Blogging Is Hardish

Sometimes I feel guilty about having a blog. If I feel like writing I often don't have anything particularly interesting to write. If I have something interesting to write about I usually don't have any desire to write. I literally had this realization just a few seconds ago and it helps me feel better about myself as a blogger to have that explanation.

It is true that I could sit down and make myself write when I don't feel like it, but this isn't school or a job so the only consequences are that I don't post. Nobody is going to be overly concerned that I'm not working towards my blogging potential.

By nature I've never been one that felt the need to speak. I generally only speak if I feel I have something worthy to contribute. It helps to have a conversation worth contributing to.

I remember sitting around the lunch table during my Junior year of high school with my peers. People chatted away and I very rarely had anything to say. The conversation was asinine and not worthy of commentary, but as an adolescent there was that sense of being left out, of being socially inferior, of being alone. My Senior year I finally found people that I connected with, and then in a flash it was over.

In conclusion I find that having a blog gives me a forum when I want it. It's a place for me to connect with a couple old friends that I rarely get to see. It's also allowed me to meet a couple new people, and it's introduced me to a few people that I feel like I've met. So, it's been worthwhile, even if I don't always feel that the content justifies it.

yesterday

Did a lot of things yesterday. Thanks to everyone who helped or contributed or whatever whatever whatever.
From my journal-the physical one:

"Maybe this is what birthday's should be for. A positive reckoning of good stuff. I don't want to feel this happy all the time. Life is life, not joy induced by some bizzare pleasure seeker."

Nah, I don't know exactly what it all means either, but I had a good day.

Huh?

I can't prove it, of course. But I may have just been asked out.
No. No, sorry. I'm all wrong. It's just a coworker wondering if I'd attend a concert w/her.
Whew. Women are very confusing.

Smart peeps

I am curious as to your thoughts.

First: we have this story about a judge ordering Google to turn over records of what people have searched for. The good news: the gov't has substancially 'narrowed' their request parameters. The bad news: it still might friggin' happen.

I view this as an invasion of privacy. The internet is, amongst other things, a giant libarary, and nobody should be able to find out what I'm reading or researching unless I want to tell them. This whole movement by the Chimperor's people is being done 'for the children' of course; the gov't insists they want to hunt down child pornographers-which I'm all for. However, I don't want them using drift nets to do it.

I go into the Fark thread because it's good to get different perspectives. There's the usual: 'If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear' bullshit that is always spouted by white boys who have never had the system turn on them, and then there was a comment about how Google was stupid for keeping records in the first place.

I don't necessarily agree with this; I could see how this information might be used in a business sense, a way for Google to basically pay the bills, but I can't get that clear in my head. Perhaps the audience will have thoughts? Nonetheless, since the internet isn't run by the public, like libraries are (if you take my meaning), some data is going to have to be collected soas to turn a profit.

Slightly downthread, however, was a posting for Clusty, a search engine that has a privacy statement. Which I think is pretty cool. (Whether or not they actually follow that statement is another matter, but for the time being, let's assume they do.) The question is; can it really equal Google's searching power? Because that's really what it's about; finding what you want in a short period of time.

I must ask though, does it even matter? Doesn't Google have such a meme-presence now that people will just use Google even if they shouldn't because that's what they've always used? It certainly feels like that.

Then again, I'm a Mac user, so there's obviously room in any given market for some kind of competition. In addition, it doesn't seem like Google is taking this lawsuit lying down; I honestly believe it will go to the Supreme Court. However, given the Supreme Court's makeup these days, I have little faith that a right to privacy would be protected there. Even former SCJ's feel the things have shifted in a bad way.

Thoughts?

Humility

One thing I did w/my money was give to Habitat for Humanity as recommended from the Bunch blog.

I don't say this publically for kudos. I say this publically because while I often think of and give to homeless organizations here in Portland, I 'forgot' about the effects of hurricane Katrina, and how they are still trying to overcome from a massive blow to them, in every sense of the word.

And I'm a bit ashamed at that. I understand that I'm not responsible for remembering every good cause, or even contributing to them, but I didn't even consider giving to something that wasn't local.
And Katrina hit what, 8 months ago? Maybe less, maybe a little more?

Jesus. I often think that I'm smarter than the average bear, and I remember history and keep in mind that people often take a long, long time to recover from bad things that happen to them. That recovery from damage only comes when help is given-freely and with a clear heart. So to be so oblivious is a sharp repremand to my...uh righteousness.

So I guess what I am doing is apologizing.
From the 13th Warrior
"For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness."

In the future, I'll try to be more attentive. Maybe not to the entire world, but at least congnizant of more of it.

$624

This is the amount of my tax return.

I’m in the enviable position, this year, of not needing this money. A small portion will be donated (via my usual outlets) to charities that serve the homeless. Everything else is really taken care of: retirement accts: check. Bills paid: check. Figure I’ve got about $550 left over.
So it’s time to treat myself! I’m going to get…

Well, shit. The best I can come up with at this point is a PS2 version of Resident Evil 4. So I can play the alternate story.

That’s kinda lame. I’m just really, really bad at buying gifts for myself. I’ve got a birthday coming up and everything, so I can pretty much justify buying whatever crazy shit I want. I just don’t seem to want that much. (Not that theThunder 1M isn’t cool, I just don’t need it.)

So I turn to the blog. Suggestions, anyone? I’m cashing Unkle Sam’s check today.

Cultural Conspiracy

Anyone remember a few years back, when we had the summer of 'Astroid hits Earth' movies, but in the months just prior to that, we had all kinds of stupid media stories about how some kind of celestial object was/could/may have/what's your definition of 'is' hit the Earth?
Or the summer or so after that, when there were all kinds of reports about Mars, strangely enough before a year of movies involving either Mars and/or alien invasion?
I always felt there had to be some kind of conspiracy out there, pushing such crap upon the populace, in a valiant attempt to get the public to pay attention to shit that was...well, shit, for far longer than they would ordinarily, and perhaps suck an extra half-million from Joe/Jane Moron. I based this on no real science, just observation and years of cynicism. Hell, look out into bloggerland and see the vast amounts of focus we as a people (not us obviously, because we're too damn smart here) put into the latest nimrod concept.
So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the next thing to assault our senses; it is advised that if you have weak stomachs, or just don't want to spend the rest of the week wishing the Black Death to return, or perhaps you wear, like myself, the tinfoil lined hat, that you not continue on from here.
In the news: Snakes. On a plane.
Somebody should make a movie!

Insignifigance

Hmmm.
I don't know that I should post.
But I feel like writing. That I don't have anywhere to write-this is its dilemna.
But there's something in my noggin, inspired by the usual substances, that wants to have it's run of the universe.
Or play RE 4, which I can't do.
But I don't want to post at the http://a.bunchof.us/ block, 'cause then everyone knows I'm a user.