Letter sent 12.21.11

Dear President Obama,
This is, admittedly, a little strange: as a public figure-one whom I employ, no less-I have a sense of you but we’ve never met. Yet I’m writing a letter, something that, in this day and era has become, I hope, a bit more personal than it used to be. That you don’t know anything about me is what makes this unusual, at least from my end.

Perhaps a few details will help: I’m 39 and I just bought my first house in Portland, OR. I’ve lived in the Pacific NW all my life but I was fortunate to travel to Europe in college and that did a great deal to broaden my horizons. I’ve also been lucky enough to have enough money to indulge the occasional whim and still keep a roof over my head. I brew beer and play games as a way of making and strengthening my social circle. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for seven years and I’m very glad she likes me as much as she does. I read as much as I can, write when I’m able and walk every day to get some exercise.

I don’t expect you will read this, nor have the time to respond. That’s OK: I’m writing this just as much for me as I am to you. If this letter is fortunate enough to make it to you personally, then I count myself lucky. I’d prefer not to get a form letter back. I’m a citizen and I have some things to say. If we can’t have a discussion, well that’s alright but I’d ratjer we didn’t have a discussion because you’re the President and busy and I’m a citizen and busy than us having a ‘pretend’ discussion where I get pre-stamped responses.

Maybe when this is all over, and the letters have been written, your term is done and things settle down a little (which may be some time away, I understand) then we could have a beer. In the meanwhile, let’s get to talking, shall we?

I’ve been watching things as closely as I’m able and I’ve heard you use the phrase “it’s the right thing to do” in the State of the Union Address. I’m not sure that you and I agree on what the right thing is, unfortunately. Is the right thing to do prosecuting, with even greater vigor, whistleblowers in the government, or firing people who have a different point of view?

Does doing the right thing include using drones against faraway people, especially those whom the government has not used evidence to prove they are a threat to the citizenry, not going after the fraud on Wall Street, despite the tremendous wave of economic damage they have wrought upon not only our country but the world, or advocating the rights of corporations through things like the SOPA act, or dangerously extending the government’s powers via the Patriot act, up to and including bill S. 1867 which would allow for indefinite imprisonment, even of US citizens, accused of terrorism, and that they be tried via the military instead of the civilian court system?

Is the right thing to do to employ many of the architects of our current crises with the direction of fixing it? To allow the people to get away with crimes both fiscal and moral?

That, of course, is just a sampling of things that I am aware of and when I hear you talk about the right thing to do, I can’t help but question what it is that you know about the right thing versus what I know about the right thing to do. I accept that you are privy to information that I am not but I would be willing to bet that in most of those cases, the information you know doesn’t change a thing.

Naturally, I don’t blame all of this on you. You have to make choices and they can’t all be good ones. The health care debacle that came last year, the manufactured debt ceiling crisis; these events do not settle on your shoulders alone.

But you’re the person I talk to, because you’re the person who needs to speak up.

Which leads us to what I think is the next problem.

America suffers from a lack of vision. As the President of the US, I expect you to articulate a vision for us, to raise the bar and tell us what the great thing is that we, as a country, should be striding for.

But you do not articulate that vision. You articulate standards or, sadly, you articulate nonsense. The best example of the former I can think of is in the last State of the Union, you told us that our goal should be to cut fossil fuel dependency by 80%.

No. That is not our goal. Our goal is to cut fossil fuel dependency for personal vehicles 100% by 2030. No exceptions. That’s a goal. Anything else is a standard, is something that can have exceptions made to it.

Of the latter, the phrase ‘win the future’ comes to mind. This is a tragic use of language for anyone who is paying attention. No one can win something that doesn’t exist, Mr. President, and the future, by its very nature, is always out of reach.

My problem with that language is simple: Americans don’t like things that are unwinnable, (see our dispassion for soccer, a game that willfully accepts ties) and despise things that allow us to get away with less than our best (see the public’s current contempt for Congress.)

We want to be challenged, Mr. President. More than anything else, I think this is what is lacking: great things are not asked of us, expectations are no longer high, and when someone maliciously screws up, they are no longer punished. I don’t mean punishment for failure (although I think consequences still should exist,) I mean punishment for wrongdoing. It may have always been true that people with wealth and power could get away with more but at least in America, for a time, there was an effort to ensure that everyone was equal under the law.

This includes those who hate us. Which is why, yes, it IS hard to bring terrorists to trial in order to bring them to justice but it is something that we, as a country, need to do. It is painstaking to ensure economic equality, to prosecute for difficult crimes and yet by not doing these things, you and those like you in the Beltway, are essentially saying: We don’t think America can handle the difficult choices or make the needed sacrifices.
But we can, so long as it is fair and just.

We need to do the difficult thing, Mr. President. We need to be challenged to be our best and we, as a people, need you to articulate that goal for us, so we have something to reach for. Something concrete and accomplishable, something that does not allow for failure, something that is bolder and defies the wasteful paths of the last three decades.

And we need you to set that bar and then let us meet it. I am, as a citizen, expecting great things from you, because those expectations need to be met and I voted for you in part because of the merits you brought to the table, suggesting that you would be able to the task. Ask of us. Ask great things of us, but ask them of all of us or do not bother, Mr. President.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you, your family and friends, sir.

Sincerely,

Crazy from self inflicted injuries

Hurt myself on Monday-something weird on my ribcage. Probably going to have to see a doc about it and that is not something that I ever look forward to. Especially with a long drive coming up, and moving after that.

A friend of mine who doesn't talk to me anymore has returned to the continent. I still see the circles of the universe she travels in from time to time and...it saddens me that we don't talk. But I wish her safe journeys and excellent beers.

In other news, this collaborative track of Lou Reed and Metallica is not very well done. The music isn't bad-though it's not great either-but they vocals are horribly matched to the music.

And in case you can't get enough bummer in your day, here's David Simon talking about how things are going downhill...in 2007.

All in all, it's a glum Friday.

New hypothesis

Men want a new sex partner at about the same rate that women want a new puppy/kitty/baby, and for about as long.

All things must pass

And so it will be that my sister's beloved cat, The Reverend Horton Heat will soon be put down, likely in the next few days. He's been in the family for over fifteen years and seen a lot of road, climbed a few trees, beaten off his fair share of idiot dogs and meowed his way into the house more times than I can remember.

He's old and he's very sick and it's the right thing to do. He's not himself; I got to catsit for him a month ago and while there was a little bit of old cat grumpiness in him, he mostly wanted to be left alone, or to be pet. The playing with rubber bands or strut to go outside, these were gone and he was weak and a bit frail, now. He warmed up to me near the end of the second day, sat on my lap and even slept nearby and I am grateful to have gotten the opportunity to care for him.

He's a good cat though; one of the best. Didn't take any shit and was perfectly content to walk away, unless you bugged him, then you got the bite you deserved.

Most of all, he reminded my sister that she was loved during times in her life when she didn't feel very loved and perhaps her brother was not doing his best to let her know this. She needed him and he never failed her. Not much more you can say about a good pet, is there?

He was lucky to have someone as awesome as my sister and she was fortunate-as was my family-to have him around. I'll miss him when he's gone.

I only can ask that the Universe do as it does with all good souls; guide them gently to the next place.

Godspeed, Rev.

Unnecessary Validation

With the glory of Google+ coming up all the events that haunt me about previous social networking sites come up.

There's being made invisible, there's finding myself in splintered communities-one too silly and insular, the other too small, serious and insular and neither of them having people I connect to anymore.

I just don't have anything to say to those active and they seem to feel the same way about me. That's a theme in a couple places.

There's also just a general annoyance with the circular nature of people. I can all too frequently predict what conversation I'm going into or what will be said in response to a topic and that has become dreary. Again and again it's the same; 'Approve of my feelings/thoughts/whatever'. It does not teach me anything-and it's hard work to actually pay attention to repetition.

Yeah, yeah; it's not them, it's me. Still, it's grinding sometimes and I don't have places to bitch about it...so here I am going for my own unnecessary validation. The irony is not lost on me.

Gear up for it

I have to get a cover letter written and a resume sent for a job. I can do this.

I can.

grrrrr

Immediacy

I'm having trouble living in the now. Part of this just has to do with a general element of gloom that has settled on me for a few days.

But part of it is about the future. I have about $120 bucks left-after all the other bills are paid, to enjoy the month with. Assuming, of course, that everything else comes in at or if I'm fortunate, under, budget.

Last night at the OBC meeting, there was a call to go get a beer at the Green Dragon. I said I couldn't afford it and someone said, 'Hey, I'll catch you this time and you can get me next.' And I still had to say no, because there isn't going to be a 'next time' where I could afford to do such a thing.

Which is goddamn depressing. Everything I do has to take the next 30 days in mind. I am already meeting someone for a drink tonight, in order to get some writing going for the beer blog and the girlfriend and I are having pizza Saturday.

So...there goes $25-ish.

Everything I do has to be about the future. Nothing can be about the now because I don't have resources to fall back on, should the future throw curveballs. So I can't be happy about the future-it's just a gigantic space of 'what ifs'-and I can't be pleased to exist in the now because the now is presenting me with opportunities I cannot take advantage of.

Scheduling

So, PAX is sold out of tickets. I will, once again, hardly know anyone. Kind of a drag, that.

/I just look forward to playing Magic a bunch and it hardly ever works out

Also, because my Dad wants to come up and see the family, I am attending the wedding for a cousin I haven't met-or at the least, haven't seen in nearly twenty five years.

However, as a result of going to this fucking event where I will see people I don't care about, I will miss an event I care very much for: Bailey's 4th anniversary party. That Fuz will attend.

In summation; August, you'd better be good.

Dead Space 2 wrapup

Finished Dead Space 2 last night. I played the game on hard (survivalist in the game language) and it's the first time I've done that in a long time. I'd read the game was a bit too easy on normal though and since I'd bought the game I had no reason to go through it hurriedly so I played on hard.

I'm not sure I'm going to play through on hard again. Even with the FAQ guidance (which I was using to make sure I didn't miss any Gold Nodes-the critical components for upgrading your weapons and armor) that game would fucking stress me out.

So I found myself in a hurry to finish the game because I was looking forward to the anxiety being over. If I play it again, it'll be at an easier difficulty level but I may take a crack at other games on hard, because accomplishment is a reward that's nice to have. But the frustration level was, occasionally, a little too high.

That said, reflecting upon the experience; it was only frustrating when I went in without a strategy-or when the strategy would just barely miss. Everything had to be very, very precise at certain points and I tend to be a little sloppy when I play videogames.

It brings me to two points though: First, the end boss.

I felt as though I had very few metrics for whether or not I was actually doing damage and no metric for how effective the damage I was doing was. I realize that health bars are gauche now but I needed something to tell me how effective I was being aside from gruesome death scenes.

Second; at one point in the game you come across a regenerating baddie who chases you through rooms. It ceases to chase you after you...take an elevator.

Really? You couldn't have some kind of system or laser defense or something? This thing survives being sawed into tiny pieces and crawls through ductwork like a snake but the harsh environs of an elevator defeat it?

Aside from that, I rather enjoyed most of it, though it plays more like a bloody horror game than a creepy event that really sucks. Granted, for 15 hours that's a lot of atmosphere to try and keep up on. The occasional splatter is advised-and probably necessary if you want to put giant monsters in the game. When Dead Space 2 is creepy, it's seriously creepy-that those moments are few and far between is alright.

What I really needed was some proper audio. The mindfuck moments have a character-a fairly crucial one-not always properly audible and that's pretty relevant to sustaining the kind of dread that the game wants to put in.

On groups

There was a moment last night when I stood there and realized I didn't have anyone to talk to and didn't feel like I could go up to anyone and talk to them. All I could think at that point was: I'm doing everything right, aren't I? Getting involved, being around people, helping?

Instead I just felt really lonely. Sometimes I think this is one of the primary motives behind coupling up; so you don't have to stand alone at gatherings looking awkward and feeling worse.

I also remembered that I'm 39 and some things still haven't gone away, and that's depressing too.

End of the year goodness

Genesis Device-Cloudkicker.
I listened to a lot of Cloudkicker this year. All the awesome of aggro metal without the frequently irritating vocalists. Lots of people hailed Beacons as a great record and it's certainly a solid effort but I stumbled onto Cloudkicker this year so the entire catalog is open to me.

Power-Kanye West.
I am as big a sucker for a killer single as anyone else and this one is huge. I haven't even listened to the whole album yet; this song is still killer.


Snakes for the Divine-High On Fire.
This song was described as their 'Thunderstruck' and I'm hard pressed to disagree. The album felt little uneven for me but this is probably one of the best opening tracks to a metal record that you could ask for.

Blind in One Eye-Coliseum.
"Ain't no key left in this hand...ain't no hope left in this room,"
There are some lines that just resonate and that's one for me. I don't think this song is about devastation, I think it's about discovering there are things you hide from yourself that you can't hide from others.

Little Monkey-Armored Saint.
I suppose it says something when a band that, twenty years ago, would've been considered heavy metal (and still is by those who've listened to it for long enough) is now using Van Halen-esque harmonies in their choruses. That's not to suggest that Armored Saint is suddenly just a rock band or that the guitars are up with Van Halen's. But they made a damn solid hard rock album that I think I would've loved at 17 and still somehow really like at 38.

He Films The Clouds Pt 2-Maybeshewill.
So I recommend Cloudkicker to a friend, sending the myspace link to Cloudkicker so he can get an idea of what they sound like and he comes back with; Did you hear this band? They're apparently 'friended' on MS.
The moral of the story; sometimes the internet works.

God's Gonna Cut You Down-Johnny Cash.
I heard way too many clips of this song being used to sell me shit, mostly because it's got one of the most amazing riffs ever. But the music has nothing to do with a product someone wants me to buy into. The long and short of it is, this is one of my favorite songs by the Man in Black. Guitar gods everywhere wish they'd come up with this, tuned it down and slogged through this one. In honor of the awesome of this song and to keep it from being a corporate whore I had to include it.

I Gave You All-Mumford and Sons.
This one is about defeat. Sometimes, it's like that.

Love Like A Sunset Part 1 and 2-Phoenix.
I generally don't include two songs by the same group back to back but in this case an exception had to be made. Phoenix does some really nice pop music however Love Like A Sunset is why they're interesting. The first part is this Tangerine Dream influenced soundscape that gently segues into a catchy riff that becomes the second song, which dreamily ends, all the crescendo happening previously. I don't know if Phoenix will be a great band but certainly taking risks like that make them more interesting than 90% of other bands working the genre.

That Dress Looks Nice On You/Make You Feel That Way-Sufjan Stevens/Tor.
It's a sign of the times, I suppose, that one of the songs I listened to a lot this year is a mashup. Speaking of...

Triple Double-Girl Talk.
Girl Talk has managed to produce three records in a row of solid to awesome quality and all of them are pretty much meant to be the soundtrack to your crazy party. I'm not sure you can dance to it for very long because the energy level is nearly inhuman. This music may have the motor of a five year old and the mentality of a 24 year old but that's probably what makes it work.

Tell Them-Sleigh Bells.
Which brings me to this bombast. It's too aggressive, too loud to be pop music but it's not heavy enough or dense enough to be rock, really. Like dance music that's been hit with the mutant gene or something.

The Water Glass-Melvins.
The Melvins have devolved a bit for me; I'm not sure that I like entire albums they do, anymore. However, when you've been playing as long as they have, doing pretty much whatever they like with as consistent a quality, I'm fairly certain they don't need to please me. All that said; this was a really solid opening to their latest and is just the kind of transition song a list like this needs.

Absolute Dissent-Killing Joke.
The latest album from KJ just can't hold up to Hosannas From The Basement of Hell because, frankly, Hosannas is the kind of record you get to make once in a lifetime. They couldn't do anything else but this album; a solid one that touches on their past, continues with their vision and mines the strengths of Hosannas.
But a solid album from Killing Joke is still going to be better than a great album from many other bands.

I Hold Grudges-Goes Cube
This was a band I found out about in '09 but didn't pay attention to until '10. Somewhere in between the punk-metal-rock cloud bands like Goes Cube mine a whole bunch of ignored territory. Ignored because people tend to get stuck on things like genre purity. Fuck 'em.


The Theatre Goer-Daughters.
Daughters' self-titled album was probably the record I ignored almost to the point of criminality. Sad, because every time I listened to it the record just got better and better. Weird and yet really catchy with a vocalist that doesn't always make it easy, the whole album is full of moments of standout riffs that draw me in. I'll probably listen to it more in '11, likely on the strength of songs like The Theatre Goer.


Widower-The Dillinger Escape Plan.
DEP is always very hard for me to ignore but very difficult for me to love.They're undeniably talented on pretty much every level; even the lyrics, as hard as they might be to understand until you read them (and then suddenly they crystalize like a giant snowflake) are just awesome. But damn if they don't work the jazz-metal thing to the absolute limits of my tolerance.

In Your Words-Lamb of God.
This was the year I got into Lamb of God. Granted, I think last year was also the year where they elevated their game with Wrath-but of course I didn't hear it until the album showed up on all these end of year best lists. I'd given them a shot before and even seen them open for Slipknot but just couldn't get into the music, even though I could definitely see the appeal because they put on a good show. Fortunately for me, not only was Wrath good but so is Sacrament, a track from which makes an appearance a little later on.

Apocalyptic Havoc-Goatwhore.
Once upon a time, it was really easy for me to say that I didn't like black metal. The vocals were unintelligible and the music wasn't made to be liked, or so it seemed. But damn if this isn't one of the best opening riffs ever. So I converted, at least for this album-which was also released in '09 but appeared on a bunch of 'best of' lists.

Virus-Black Breath.
Maybe you saw them, these great punk bands playing in some shitty bar in your hometown; fast and gritty and loud, and you really hoped they'd make it because man, they just blew everybody else off the stage.
Well, at least one of those bands made it.

Underneath the Waves-Strapping Young Lad.
It's really, really, really rare for me to include a song I've heard in years past. Lamb of God or Cloudkicker have discographies that extend past this year but I just got into them so they're new to me. SYL's stuff I've been into for years-before the band broke up, even.
However, the glories of random shuffling on iTunes brought this song to my attention again at a time when I really needed to hear it. It's super aggressive sonically but lyrically the theme of "I am tired of the boring bullshit that leads to nothing" just worked for me.

the sun, the earth-Constants
I love it when albums surprise me with a hook somewhere that isn't the first or last song. Granted, this is the second song on the album but still; anything to help shake me out of the flow of a record and pay attention is usually good.


Core Relations-Intronaut.
A concept album based around LA. Neat! I suppose this is filed under stoner rock but I don't see that so much. Influenced by, sure but this is like a slightly more catchy Isis to my ears.

You've Seen the Butcher-Deftones.
The Deftones have had a hell of a few years, with the Saturday Night Wrist album proving they can still bring the noise, then having their bassist go into a coma while writing a brand new album, shelving that record to make a new one because touring on the comatose bassist's work felt wrong and going full out to make a new record.

And the new record is stellar. How about that?

Dethroned-Jesu.
At this point, I feel like I practically have to have an Jesu song on my end of year lists. Hell, even as it stands Justin Broadrick is all over this list, having produced the Constants album and doing a remix of a Pelican song that made it on, down the line.

Blacken the Cursed Sun-Lamb of God.
I wish I'd seen LoG when they had written this song. It's probably 100% crowd pleaser.

Scum Will Rise-Nails.
Nails probably released the angriest album of the year. I think this song is maybe a minute thirty seconds but it flays.

The Dream is Dead-Type O Negative.
Peter Steele died this year and when that happened I took it upon myself to investigate the Type O history a bit more than I had. I've always liked TON but albums never seemed to settle on me. There were great songs, which I'd tape (very old school I know) and then usually sell the CD off because the album just didn't work for me. But Life is Killing Me and Dead Again were the two albums I poked around on and looking at it, it's more likely that I was just not ready to really love Type O Negative. A rare metal band with a sense of humor, they will be missed.

Plus, there's something about a man howling, "The dream is dead." If you've been there, you know.

Renew-Rosetta.
More shoegaze metal. Rosetta didn't produce an immediately catchy record but as with Daughters, it was one that went frequently unlistened by me and I aim to make that up in the next few months because every time I hear it I like it.

Final Exit-Fear Factory.
Probably the best closing song to a FF album, ever. The album itself was solid and very much a return to the form of Demanufacture or Obsolete but this was the song that suggested to me that the band that stretched what sounds metal bands could incorporate on those older records was still alive. I don't know if Fear Factory has another album in them but if this is their revisit to Demanufacture and the next one is the Obsolete revisit, then that will be damned impressive.

This was also the song that, when I started building this list, was going to be the one I wanted as a closer. As the list got built, it became more apparent that this song was instead going to be the beginning of the end but that works too.

Angel Tears-Pelican, remixed by Justin Broadrick.
Took me some time to acquire this song; iTunes wouldn't let me buy just this one, it insisted I get the entire 3 song single which includes the original version-which I already have. On CD.

But man, is it a brilliant rework of the original. Fifteen minutes and I wasn't bored.

Out Again-Torche.
Torche probably made the most pop friendly heavy album of the year and undoubtedly one of my favorite videos for the year. I wish this album had gotten more attention because man it's good. The band works that last riff into the ground for probably three minutes but I don't care; it's catchy and fading it off is the exact right move. As good as Final Exit was, this song had to be the penultimate one. It says goodbye in a sad but not cheerless manner and I think I'd like to remember my year that way. I won some, I lost some but it wasn't all bad.

God Be With Ye-Cloudkicker.
It's just a nice finisher; the kind that allows me to start the list up all over again.

Dear President Obama

Basic tax information is available to anyone with an internet connection, readable by anyone with sense organs and understandable by anyone with half a lick of common sense.

QUIT FUCKING ABOUT AND COMPROMISING ON EVERY GODDAMNED THING.

Jesus. I voted for someone to lead the country, not play the violin while the city burns.

So I saw Inception

Pretty strong film.
The drawbacks; the soundtrack was too loud and overwhelmed dialog multiple times. This is bad.

I wanted about 15 more minutes in that movie to offer me some characterization for the players beyond the main one. Almost nobody smiles in this film and while the Inception gets a lot right, it doesn't really capture the whimsy that dreams often bring. Even a few moments of whimsy-two-would have been enough, something to give the characters a little bit more than gravity to work with, to show that they are connected to one another.

That I wouldn't mind another 15 minutes in a movie that's two point five hours long already is a really good sign.

The good; the acting is solid and the directing is very good. The finale is one of those things that only movies can do and it's always amazing to see someone take advantage of the artistic medium that way. Worth seeing in the theater for that alone.

I haz a gloom

Oh boy

Everyone else is in a meeting. Should I be in that meeting? I don't think so...it's not on my calendar...but everyone else is there... rargh brain won't stop worrying!

Feels like it's been a downer week. Going to visit friends, Mom, and PAX. This should turn everything around.

It doesn't matter why

They don't want to talk to you.

eh, I guess

I mean, they resurrected the consu and yay for everyone. I care but I don't. Just like the old community; I care and I don't anymore.

I care because it's my nature. I don't because I just want to get away from the silly shit that was there. I'm a little adrift and so...so there it is.

A few days and I'm sure I'll be fine. Walking is still good for the soul.

Time for your dose of awesome

With sympathy

So, Paul Gray died of an accidental OD. He was the bassist for the heavy metal band Slipknot, and pretty close to my age.

What's disheartening for me is the comments to the story-as always. Addiction, by most medical accounts, is classified as a disease and the idea that he just should've been a better person is kinda insane.

And is probably why we have a process of imprisonment instead of treatment when it comes to drugs.

The new guy

I recently got Left 4 Dead 2. 8 plus months (or so) after the game was released I was able to afford it and because I loved the original I was looking forward to playing the game. I could even afford the occasional DLC now!

L4D is noteworthy for me because it's the first game I played online and remains so for the time being. Because the mechanics of the game insist that you help each other out, leaving someone behind isn't quite forbidden but nobody wants to do it. Of course, I've had the experience of telling or being told; "No! Go without me I'm done for!" but for the most part when someone gets in trouble, you go back and help, right?

There is a 'but' of course.

I'm the new guy. I don't know the maps, I don't know how the new Infected work, or the new health devices. Yes, I read the instructions but it's a game; you have to play it to understand.

Which is why it has been so discouraging to be the newbie.

I'm about average at gaming and I try to keep a casual attitude about it. But no matter what; I still have to learn how things work. In Dead Center, I didn't know that the goal was to fill the car with gas-I didn't hear the characters tell me what the goal was. The people I was playing with didn't tell me, often ran ahead without me and one person even asked why I kept getting lost and knocked down.

"I'm new and I don't know the maps," I said, trying to sound cheerful but I couldn't escape the feeling that the other players were done with me. A few minutes later, they left, we failed the mission and I started over with bots.

Sigh. I kept at it and eventually people joined up, including another new player, and we got through the mission.

Last night I attempted to get through Dark Carnival. I found a room, waited, and when the party leader asked, "Are we ready to go?" I replied, "You bet!" and he said, "Not you," and kicked me from the game.

I didn't even know the guy and yeah, I shouldn't take it personally but it's hard not to. I'm new, I want to learn how to play and play better, I want to explore a bit and see what cool routes or jokes or things might be hidden in the game. I don't know many people who play online so I'm out there, trying to make new friends, in the casual sense of the word. And people don't want to show the the ropes/have fun with me, so it's hard.

Because I'm late. I'm the new kid at school and nobody wants to tell me where the lunchroom is.

Everybody is new sometimes and if you want people to keep playing the game you love, you have to welcome the newbies. I know not everyone is going to mesh and become best chums or anything as silly as that, but is it really such a pain in the ass to help a new player who isn't being a dick through one mission?

If it is, then play on a private channel so we don't muck up your good time. Everyone will be happier.