Tuesday, April 1

sigh

The thing about being in pain is that, ultimately, it is boring. It is one note, droned throughout your life, drowning out everything else. Acutely, that really does matter. It is possibly the worst thing about being in any kind of chronic pain, though. I know it's boring to everyone else and it's certainly a houseguest I wish I could get rid of.

And having to witness someone in pain is both awful AND boring because there is nothing you can do and because they don't have anything else to offer. So I apologize for not having proper diodes and LCDs that light up, instead of just roiling in...whatever the fuck it is I'm roiling in.

Monday, March 31

Everybody sees the wind blow

She moved her dresser out of the bedroom last weekend. Actually, I helped her. I helped get the mattress she's sleeping on now, too. 

I'm in a bedroom that feels too big. I am not sleeping well. And I have the goddamn bridge of Paul Simon's Graceland in my head which sucks so much ass I can't even tell you.

Fuck. I don't know what happens now.

Monday, March 10

Stress

...that comes from dealing with someone who is terrible at articulating what they want or their argument and you cannot just say; Fuck you, you're shit at this. 

Jesus. I am letting it get to me in a way I need to walk off. 

Wednesday, February 26

The Brain

Hey, Brain, did you hear that Dr Girlfriend is willing to take you to dinner for your birthday?

"Really?"

Yup. Where should we go?

"Is there a place called Beer & Meat?"

Nooooooo.....

"Then why the fuck are you bothering me with this? Move along, little thing."

But-!

"MOVE. ALONG."

Tuesday, February 18

When I Want It

"Hi, do you have playsets of commons & uncommons for Born of the Gods?" I want the new Magic set!

No, not yet.

"Ah. Well, can you tell me when you might have them?" (It's been a bit so I was hoping.)

Um...no. When did you want it?

"Uh...I don't know." Not wanting to appear like a demanding asshole. "Few days?"

I'll post on our Facebook page when we have them.

Sigh. It took me a few days to realize what a stupid exchange this was. If I wanted the Born of the Gods stuff on another day, I would have come in on that day. I wanted them when I was there. And I don't mind waiting but instead of asking me when I want it (since I clearly want it now) how about saying: we'll have some ready by X. 

Because then I would patronize your store with money. Instead, I go to eBay. 

Monday, January 13

The Audience Is Listening

While seeing the start of the "I don't care about football, shut up" posts at Facebook-and having the base response: Yes, we should all stop liking what you don't care about. I had a thought, during the exchange. 

The reply was: "More like quit talking to me about blahblahblah," to which I replied: 'But it's Facebook. Nobody talks here."

I was struck shortly thereafter that internet environments are more like a show: you have a platform, you speak, everyone-regardless of their interest in your subject matter-is compelled to give it a little bit of their attention. 

I don't care about the Smiths, or Morrissey at all, or circumcision or GMOs or Gay for Johnny Depp, I don't give a fuck about your 600th baby photo, how she looked when she pooped while Grandma held her, or your toddler's sudden ability to say the word 'shit'. There are a whole host of things spoken of that people put out there in hopes that their lives will seem to be as important to other people as they are to themselves. 

You know who finds my life as important as their own? My parents. I think the list ends there. Everyone else who knows me, should they friend me on Facebook? Or here, or any of the other places I write: they are accepting the part of audience member. There are two things to keep in mind, as a result. 

First; I need to be respectful of my audience. This is just a good idea in general but for me, in addition to the basic 'be kind, be honest' motto, it also means not boring them (much) with post after post after post of the exact same concept. There a whole lot of interesting things to talk about in the world, and I should try and shake it up when I can. 

Second: in for a penny, in for a pound. If you are part of the audience, then you just have to put up with some of the deluge of boredom that can come when someone else is super excited about something that you have no emotional investment in. On the upside, there are some tools that can help filter that out, but on the downside those filters are pretty weak and they won't stop everything. So you're just going to have to accept being annoyed from time to time. 

And that's just tough shit, man. Welcome to life. You can choose to be annoyed or you can choose to appreciate the pleasure someone else is taking in something that you may not really care about. Click the 'do not show' button and move on. 

Wednesday, December 11

Hm

A commenter at my blog tried to call me out for 'claiming to like (heavy) metal but afraid to use a public toilet'. 

So first: My claim to love heavy metal is in no way effected by my ability to piss somewhere. Second: I just wasn't going to use that toilet. 

But whatever. 

I got uncomfortably drunk at an event not that long ago. I mean uncomfortable in the sense that; I, personally, was unhappy with my level of intoxication. I kept getting free drinks and kept insisting (to myself) that I didn't need lunch because I was going home in just a second and...I ended up publicly drunk and I feel incredibly embarrassed about it. Telling a friend about it, they said, "Oh, you were that guy," which pretty much sums it up.

I am pretty certain that I didn't do anything I shouldn't, like fight or fuck anything along those lines that people would be angry at me for, so that is good. I took the bus there and home, so I wasn't a danger to anyone (beyond being absurdly drunk) but I got home and felt miserable for about an hour. Some rest and dinner helped a great deal but it wasn't fun to be home in front of the girlfriend and generally so out of whack that my brain was a sewer of self-loathing and sadness. 

I really have to remember to take better care of myself at these events. I don't get free beer very often but when I do, I tend to run a higher risk for going overboard. That's not good at all. 

On the upside, the times in my life when I will get free beer are pretty slim so hopefully if I just remember to eat I should be in pretty good shape.