I have a vasectomy scheduled for tomorrow.
This feels a little weird, because I'm making a choice that's quite final. Final choices always have more weight, and that weight is present in part because even though I never wanted to have kids, I did have the realization that I could have them, and it would be a good life.
That said; the idea of being a father scares me to death. I don't have a bad life, but I also am under no illusions that it's one that could support another human being. I guess what makes this event so weird is that I'm choosing between two fears, and I don't like either of them.
I also don't like the idea of something edged being taken to my testicles. I can't ever imagine a situation where I'm going to think that's good and hope for it.
As with so many things, the whole story is a little complicated. The lass at one point would've loved to be a mom. Now, the circumstances of her life compel her, as a smart, caring, wonderful person, to close that door. And she, she I'd have a family with; so it's bittersweet.
I was telling Rasta about it this last weekend, and what I said was, "This decision does not come without a little regret, but I think it's the best one."
I still do. I just think it's a little sad, too.
This feels a little weird, because I'm making a choice that's quite final. Final choices always have more weight, and that weight is present in part because even though I never wanted to have kids, I did have the realization that I could have them, and it would be a good life.
That said; the idea of being a father scares me to death. I don't have a bad life, but I also am under no illusions that it's one that could support another human being. I guess what makes this event so weird is that I'm choosing between two fears, and I don't like either of them.
I also don't like the idea of something edged being taken to my testicles. I can't ever imagine a situation where I'm going to think that's good and hope for it.
As with so many things, the whole story is a little complicated. The lass at one point would've loved to be a mom. Now, the circumstances of her life compel her, as a smart, caring, wonderful person, to close that door. And she, she I'd have a family with; so it's bittersweet.
I was telling Rasta about it this last weekend, and what I said was, "This decision does not come without a little regret, but I think it's the best one."
I still do. I just think it's a little sad, too.