Thursday, July 9

I played Lost Odyssey so you don't have to

Honestly, I think I finished the game in part so I could write that headline.

I knew what I was in for when I got this game; an old-school JRPG, where the good guys line up on one side and the bad guys on another and you throw swords and spells called 'Windus' (that's the 3rd level wind spell!) at each other. Random encounters, raiding people's houses for loot, some levelgrinding tedium; basically everything I experienced in Final Fantasy 7 only prettier. I still hated it.

In a game that plays for 50 hours or longer (I put in over 60) having a complex, weaving story is something that one comes to expect. What happens next? becomes a relevant way to prod the player from "random city on the coast that we start from" to "fucked up mountaintop that we must fight a strange griffin upon" to "remote village where no one goes to the strange house on the hill" and so on, and so on.

Unfortunately, the story is straightforward and mindbendingly dull. Kaim, the hero, is part of a group of immortals who have been part of the world for a millennia. His memories are lost, he knows only that he is a soldier. After a cataclysmic battle he is set on a quest that leads him to uncovering his memories and this, naturally, leads to saving the world.

Now, what I've just told you is the spoiler free version of this game but here's the problem: even if I told you the spoilers I would be adding absolutely nothing to the synopsis I just wrote. There are no big reveals, no twists or turns that aren't telegraphed like a atomic bomb tested in the middle of San Francisco. The villain is cartoonishly comic, and if it weren't for the Presidency of Bush Jr. I would deny that anyone that obviously evil could ever gain that much power in such a blunt manner.

There are a ton of short stories in the game where Kaim gets back chunks of his lost memories but there are at least two problems with this. First those stores are told well outside of the main narrative. They don't inform the current storyline (with rare exceptions) and they don't enhance Kaim as a character; he's still a brooding, humorless dick. Second, the presentation for these stories are a complete break from the game; the player has to sit there and watch as words are very prettily shown on the screen with a hazy nature background as scenery. There's no GAME there. In a medium that is supposed to be interactive they've broken the primary rule; disassociating the audience from the game.

It's understandable that the basic gameplay mechanics might become dull over time. Sadly, they are boring right from the start. Your muscle attacks with swords. There is no strategy there, because attacking with swords is a lot faster and better than using any of your learned skills. Your wizards cast spells. The spells they cast should be ones that are in opposition to the elemental characteristic of the enemy. That is, you cast Water against Fire, Fire against Wind, Wind against Earth, Earth against Water. I think. Sixty damn hours in and I still had to look up which element was best vs another element.

In this case, I blame designers. There wasn't anything intuitive about selecting the elemental spells in the menu, so those subtle reminders that would've helped me map out what to do weren't there. Going to the manual in the middle of a game is an indicator of bad design.

Bad design also comes into play when moving from place to place. Getting to and using the map is difficult, as there are two map screens; one that tells you the names of places and one that just shows you the world. Sometimes I just want to check where I am in relationship to a city but I can't just do that, I have to actually go somewhere because just seeing where I am on a map doesn't tell me anything unless I know where I am in relationship to another place. So I have to go to another place, even if it's where I just came from and that involves a load screen and waiting and boredom.

What's a real drag is having certain characters predisposed to death. There are two who have understandably low health points-the characters are children-but they're vital to getting through the game! So the player has to sit there and resurrect them time and time again, in hopes they will survive to the end of the battle, because dead characters don't level up. One of the best things in the game that I did was engage in a short sequence that made me a ton of money. Buying resurrection potions suddenly wasn't a problem, and I bought a ton of them. More than I can ever remember having to buy for an RPG.

Gameplay gets tiring, moving around is a pain in the butt, and the story is boring. Is there an upside?

There is; the character Jansen Friedh. A friend described him as 'what would happen if you put Bruce Campbell in a game' and that's not too far off the mark. Funny, complaining, interested in getting laid, interested in not getting the crap beat out of him, Jansen is the most human and likable character in the game. Sure his character arc is utterly predictable but at least it's fun to watch. Nobody else gives the story any tension whatsoever--they spend sixty hours being exactly who they are when you meet them.

So I say avoid it.

Finally, I'd like to thank these Gamefaq writers: German Dragon, INVAL1D, and Split Infinity. They made searching through the cities and getting through the maps far easier than the game designers did, and I am eternally grateful to them for the work they did.

Wednesday, July 1

Transformers 3: Return of the Primes

Although I haven't seen TF2, I've read enough reviews containing the 'plot' to know what happens. I understand it's not a movie in the sense that there is a story that somehow connects you from point A to D, so I don't feel weird about what I'm going to do next.

I'm going to tell you what's up for Transformers 3: Return of the Primes (which I'm making up as a title).

Blah blah blah explosions/stupid jokes/explosions/tits until the end when
1) Optimus Prime dies.
2) Giving Sam the last piece of the Allspark.
3) Everything is all but lost (including a special moment when Ultra Magnus, in an attempt to rip out Megatron's heart says, 'Open, damnit, OPEN!')
4) When Sam takes in the Allspark, saying to Mikela: 'Sorry'
5) Mikela screams: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (It will be her only line in the movie)
6) Then to Stan Bush's The Touch, (the original, not that abominable re-creation) Sam turns into RODIMUS PRIME.
7) And proceeds to Save the Motherfuckin' Day. (Which is why the Transformers in Transformer heaven sent Sam back; and Optimus keeps going on about Sam's destiny and all that other bullshit. Sam is Neo, except he becomes a machine.)

That's why the Transformers films focused on the humans instead of, you know, the awesome giant robots blowing everything the fuck up. It'll be Bay laughing at all of us because suddenly those first two piece of shit movies will have subtext and be about something: Man's transformation from boy to godlike robot that StMFD. This of course is a metaphor for how we need to lose ourselves in technology or perish. So in addition to demonstrating that Bay knows how to arrange a narrative arc, fanboys all over will forgive him because of Rodimus, and The Touch. (They shouldn't, but they will.)

When this happens; I want credit.

Monday, June 29

Google vs Facebook

Interesting article on how these two corporations are trying to make things work in the internet age.

Feels weird to post to something like Facebook, though. As a bonus, I think I may've stumbled on a neat tool for a website though. Thanks Google!
/google whore.

Saturday, June 27

Randomness

Bison Brewing's chocolate stout is not so thrilling.

The Peppermint Tribe ought to be the name of one of the villains in the book.

I heard Metallica's Unforgiven for the first time in many years, and when this line was sung:
"This bitter man he is"
I instantly re-imagined it as a Yoda phrase. The song has been vastly improved.

Dear Kettle Chips; why are your normal potato chips so much suck, while your crinkle cut chips awesome?

Sunday, June 21

Sung to Andrew WK's It's Time To Party

It's time for BACON, yeah BACON
Get on out of bed and have some awesome bacon
Hey, you, it's BACON
Sizzlin' on the stove and smokin'

Don't even try to hide it
'Cause we're gonna need some BACON tonight
And you know I'm gonna fry it up right
We're gonna munch it all
when it's crispy and nice
BACON, BACON,
Gonna have some BACON tonight

Towels laid out
to absorb the grease
Just waitin' for my treat (It's time for BACON)
Tongs in my hand
To turn the meat
Almost time to eat (It's time for BACON)
Pan smoking hot
strips curling up
It's almost done (It's time for BACON)
Open your mouth, let's eat it up, with your teeth

YEAH! (x4)

It's time for...
It's time for...
It's time for... BACON BACON
GONNA HAVE SOME BACON TONIGHT

Saturday, June 13

Once again

Don't. Perpetuate. Drama.

Especially when it's coming from fucktards on the internet who just want to start trouble.

Wednesday, June 10

Odds and ends

First: Resident Evil 5: It's good. Not stupid amazing good, but a solid game that is trying to do shake up the series by placing it in a hot sun-drenched environment. This works for the most part, but there weren't as many spooky parts, and the vehicle driving sections were generally boring. Sitting at the turret of a gun and blazing down enemies doesn't make for a very fearful experience.

That all said, I've gotten quite a bit out of the Mercenaries subgame. With two players who even know a little about what to do, I have felt like I was accomplishing a great deal. It's fun! I wouldn't like to see an entire game around that, but the value that Mercenaries gives to this helps make the game worthwhile.

Second: Left 4 Dead 2. I really wish they would do it as DLC. Or how about giving coupons to people who have bought L4D so the sequel isn't as expensive for us?

I don't know; I worry that this really awesome game I've been playing will suddenly have a much smaller userbase, and currently I can't afford a new game. Hopefully by November, this won't be an issue, but it's hard not to fret about the unemployment thing.

I got on Xbrick Live just to play L4D with people, and I'd hate to see that pleasant experience go away, especially after dropping $110 on it (game + Live membership).

And also: I'd like to see some extra content for the original. The lighthouse in The Last Stand is obviously some kind of end-chapter. Give me the 4 lead up chapters!

I realize that Valve needs to make money, and I've had a good time with their game, but there was an implication that there would be at least some new content coming for the original (although I may be making that up in my head) so this sequel feels a lot like a letdown.

Third: I've started making lists in the morning of daily tasks. So far it's helping, and I think it may be the first step on my way to getting a personal organizer. I think I'd like it to it via an iPod touch because that way I can just copy/paste things into a calendar, but for now writing things down is a start.

Fourth: Usual depressing looking for work thing. It just feels all fucked up.

Fifth: Star Trek is good. The new one hits all the right notes, doesn't invalidate any older Star Trek that people may've loved, and is all around fun to watch.

I guess that's all for now.

Monday, June 1

Healthcare costs

A really good article on the costs of healthcare in America.

As with so many things, it seems to come down to greed vs care.

Sunday, May 31

Hm

While building my most recent Magic deck, I realized something.

I have run out of basic forests. I didn't think that was possible. And I'm not sure this is a good sign.

Tuesday, May 19

On Fatalism

Was called a fatalist last night by Jim, in our discussion about newspapers. This was after I'd called him one.

The perspectives divided thusly: He thinks that newspapers are on their way out, and that when they go, we lose something critical to our democracy because there's nothing to replace them. The internet (with bloggers being the definition there) and TV do not have the credibility nor the standards of accuracy that newspapers do. And once they go, they're gone and that resource cannot be replaced. Our democracy will be fucked once that happens.

So: we should save them.

Me: newspapers are going to die, at least as we know them. That cannot be prevented but the idea that nothing will replace those things is one that historically as been false. New things rise up to replace old things in every system you can talk about, and there's no way to prove that in this case, the new thing is going to be worse or somehow be unable to give us the truth we need to continue to function as a democracy.

I know the world is going to change, and not always for the better, but not always for the worse, either.

I had a troubled sleep last night, though.

Thursday, May 14

Get a haircut and get a real job

I got my haircut yesterday. Probably the best $5 haircut I've gotten since the early 80's, but I think I would've ponied up 5 more to not have to listen to shitty, shitty pop music for forty minutes. There was one song with a really catchy riff, wasted in a song that was otherwise drivel. The Foo Fighters could've done something awesome with that riff. But this band wasn't even close.

Although the haircut looks ok, I spent today mostly depressed. Yeah, I made beer and I wrote some and it didn't all suck, but what I realized walking back from the comic store was this; I am admitting that I cannot get a job. I'm cleaning myself up, which will include shaving off the soul patch I've kept on my chin for at least six months, so I can go into a temp agency and ask for work.

I don't have a dream to follow, I don't have a path to look to. Going to the temp agency isn't so bad; hopefully they'll be able to place me. It's that I don't really know anything that makes me valuable, and I don't really love anything that people would want to pay me for. And that's...no fun.

Tuesday, May 12

More things not to do:

Lock yourself out of the house.

The cats will not let you back inside.

Monday, May 4

Step 1

Well, I finished the first, handwritten draft of a book I've been writing for 3 years. It's not the most triumphant thing ever, but it is an accomplishment in the process of making a complete thing. So I'll take it.

Thursday, April 23

Huh

Got yelled at by an anarchist tonight for not knowing what anarchy is, apparently.

When I asked her what she wanted, and she included, 'democracy' and I said, you can't have democracy and anarchy at the same time, she yelled a me, about how I ought to read x,y,z.

But she didn't actually tell me what the difference was, when I asked. Or how I wasn't a liberterian because I thought regulated capitalism was a good thing.

I may be getting the details fuzzy; I was being yelled at. But it was nice to be yelled at by a left-winger, because it's an excellent warning against extremism of all kinds.

Wednesday, April 22

It's one of those days: Resist Despair.

It's not that things are bad, but they do not appear to be hopeful in any interesting manner.

I kind of want to use the internet like Twitter today; just leave my short comments and leave. I don't abhor Twitter per se, but there's so much noise out there in the Universe anyway, and nobody cares about what I have to say in comparison. Especially since I am not eating tasty sandwiches or pooping.

Even writing that 'joke' feels forced and kinda meh. Real writers wouldn't let that go.

In truth, the inclination to hide out is very strong. I guess I'm doing that already by staying at home, but I guess there's my conflict. The days when I want to go away and be forgotten, and the days when I don't. Which isn't much to aspire to, it seems.

Maybe I just need lunch. Everything seems better after lunch or a nap. I have a place to write and things ain't so bad.

Tuesday, April 14

On drama

I've been encountering the usual internet drama and it was in the shower today that I had a realization; some people are addicted to it. They need to create (or bear witness to) a whole lot of anxious misery in order to feed some weird hunger in themselves.

I have the internet trolls to thank for this, but I don't mean that in a congratulatory sort of way. I get that everyone is the asshole sometimes, but it is the consistent engagement of lousy behavior that defines an addiction and rewarding that behavior with attention of any sort just feeds into that bullshit.

The problem is that sometimes you just need people to shut the hell up.

So once again I'm back to the necessity of moderators in any given culture. Yeah, yeah it brings up the whole 'who watches the watchmen' thing, but I have yet to see any non-familial group work without a set of rules and someone to enforce them. For the most part, the community keeps each other in line, and my feelings about moderation in internet arenas is that it should be kept to a light hand.

Because the drama is going to show up no matter what you do or say. There's something about people that causes them to conflict.

Bah. I'm rambling now. I guess part of what I'm trying to learn is when to stand up to the addicts and when to let it go. But even with that knowledge, it doesn't mean very much unless standing up to them can be enforceable. How that works, I don't know.

Tuesday, March 31

The Failure Option

I'm doing a podcast now, for people interested in hearing my voice. Linky above.

I'm having trouble finding jobs that I think I can work in. I seem to know so little.

On the other hand, all the time at home is giving me space to read, write, and listen to music I haven't in a long time. You may not be aware of this, but the Smashing Pumpkins' Mellon Collie and the blahblahblah is a shitty record. It could've been a good one, but out of the 28 songs there, 4 are really good, and another 5 are OK. Maybe 2 more songs after that, and you're done.

Metallica's 'classic' ...And Justice for All? Bloated and tired.

But there's beer. So it's not all bad.

Sunday, March 29

I went to the rock tonight

And it was good. At this point, it kinda goes: Andrew WK, It's Time To Party = Metallica, Creeping Death = Pelican, Angel Tears. And then there's everything else.

I don't care what you've seen live, I'll put those three experiences against anything.

(but, I've had booze and so this is not the be all end all.)

Monday, March 23

Twitter summation

My sister asked me what I thought of Twitter while I was in Spokane, and the link pretty much sums it up.

It does have some uses; A.Ho has told me of how they use it at his job to let people know about shifts they can pick up, and Bailey's Taproom uses it to let people know what's on tap, but these are really narrow applications. Just like the service itself, I think.

Saturday, March 21

Visiting

When I went back to Spokane last week, I brought with me a whole slew of old cassette tapes which had songs on them I hadn't listened to in twenty years. I learned a few things along the way. The Pet Shop Boys' 'It's A Sin' is a gay anthem. 'Living in a box' is an incredibly offensive song, when I step back from it for even a moment. (Although to be fair, I was far less aware of the plight of the homeless at 16) 'Pop Goes the World' is a bad song.

I spent a lot of time feeling like I had no idea what Spokane was like, almost as though I was lost in a city I grew up in. It was very strange; the winter filth and the starkness of the city had it adopting an alien landscape that felt like I was a stranger now. Maybe it was because so many things evoked the past-old friends, old hangouts, old music, that I had been thrown back, and the city stayed in the present.

Of course, it could be that I'm just out of my head currently. I got sick while I was there, and I'm still recovering from that. NyQuill does a number on your head, and even this morning I'm feeling a little spacey. Perhaps it is best not to be too hard on Spokane, as it's coming off a difficult winter, and the city is in a state of disrepair.

Or, it could be that my birthday is tomorrow and I'm feeling reflective. That's possible too.