The Devil & The Paycheck

The smell of sulfur fills the air.

"So...I hear you got paid. With a raise." Licks lips.

Well yes, I did! It's going to be so much..hey!

"Well, you did say you wanted to put more towards the house, right?"

Yes.

"And you need to start saving up again, after that whole furnace thing."

~narrows eyes~ I still don't know you didn't have something to do with that.

"hehe, Now, now, why would I tamper with such things? Where were we...oh yes. Look. Magic cards."

Hey, I've restructured the budget so that I'm actually spending less!

"Oh, that's adorable. I also see there's money towards pants, now."

But...all my other jeans are ruined. I need at least one more pair.

"Oh, certainly, we can't have you not wearing pants. Nor driving without insurance."

It's not my fault my car died. 

"But you just had to get a 'newer' one."

...

"Yes, so there's that increase. Heeey, did you know High On Fire is coming to town?"

C'mon, I haven't seen a concert in a year.

"I'm just saying. There's also that anniversary gift. And the Thanksgiving expenses: food, gas, oil changes, travel."

Those things keep me in sex and some form of happiness. Do you think I won't come down there and take over if you leave me sexless?

"A point made, however meaningless the threat. Ooooo, look at this! Internet. Beer supplies and blogging?"

HEY. You know the rule. No beer and no internet make Homer something something.

"Grrrr...I didn't negotiate that well. I suppose I should let you have the 'food' and 'water' thing too."

I'd appreciate that. So what do I have left?

"Left? Oh, yes. Left. Well there you go. Don't spend it all in one place."

Goddamnit.

"Remember, that's how you got in this jam in the first place."