I have a vasectomy scheduled for tomorrow.
This feels a little weird, because I'm making a choice that's quite final. Final choices always have more weight, and that weight is present in part because even though I never wanted to have kids, I did have the realization that I could have them, and it would be a good life.
That said; the idea of being a father scares me to death. I don't have a bad life, but I also am under no illusions that it's one that could support another human being. I guess what makes this event so weird is that I'm choosing between two fears, and I don't like either of them.
I also don't like the idea of something edged being taken to my testicles. I can't ever imagine a situation where I'm going to think that's good and hope for it.
As with so many things, the whole story is a little complicated. The lass at one point would've loved to be a mom. Now, the circumstances of her life compel her, as a smart, caring, wonderful person, to close that door. And she, she I'd have a family with; so it's bittersweet.
I was telling Rasta about it this last weekend, and what I said was, "This decision does not come without a little regret, but I think it's the best one."
I still do. I just think it's a little sad, too.
This feels a little weird, because I'm making a choice that's quite final. Final choices always have more weight, and that weight is present in part because even though I never wanted to have kids, I did have the realization that I could have them, and it would be a good life.
That said; the idea of being a father scares me to death. I don't have a bad life, but I also am under no illusions that it's one that could support another human being. I guess what makes this event so weird is that I'm choosing between two fears, and I don't like either of them.
I also don't like the idea of something edged being taken to my testicles. I can't ever imagine a situation where I'm going to think that's good and hope for it.
As with so many things, the whole story is a little complicated. The lass at one point would've loved to be a mom. Now, the circumstances of her life compel her, as a smart, caring, wonderful person, to close that door. And she, she I'd have a family with; so it's bittersweet.
I was telling Rasta about it this last weekend, and what I said was, "This decision does not come without a little regret, but I think it's the best one."
I still do. I just think it's a little sad, too.
3 comments:
Oh, man. Good luck, brother.
Momentous decision. Truly.
We've both been discussing this with ourselves for sometime huh? Easier to talk about than do, no? I was nearly certain I was going to do it this last year then decided I wasn't quite sure, even though I am mostly sure. Crikey.
It's not so bad, A. I mean-yeah, it's easier to talk about than do, but things finally boiled down to this: do I want to run the perpetual risk or not?
And I don't. Too many possible negatives.
@C-M; thanks man. I am a bit relieved that it's done, actually.
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