Medicine

I can't stop listening to Jesu's Medicine. It's oddly addictive. It's also got a haunting quality that seems all too appropriate for me these past few days.

Some things have gone wrong. Oh, it'll all be ok. The sky will clear, the ship will aright itself. But for now, I just want to cover my head and sigh. I don't want to be at work today. I'm on under three hours of sleep, and a gnawbone of stress, bad news, and general unhappy. I would've called in sick, but I'd committed to doing something at work today.

Fucking responsibilities. What is wrong with me that I can't take a day off when it's obvious that I could use one?

Something quite grave, it would seem. I'm just not quite human today. It would be a good day to be human, and there are a few legos missing from the structure right now.

Fuck. I have work to do. No more bitching.

I got to see Jesu and Isis last night. They were both great, but Jesu had some sound mix issues during their first song...which was 1/5th of the set. Plus, while they did play songs I liked, they didn't play anything I loved (Dead Eyes, Medicine). Isis, however, kicked all kinds of ass. A good show.

the medicine is all we need
to keep us away and hidden
we can only see the sunset
we can never see the sunrise

in our funny little homes
we're really quite alone
we're just a sitting target
for your superiority

sunrise
sunset

the medicine is all we need

Wow

It's my nephew's birthday today.

He's a year old; I'd forgotten today was the day b/c I didn't write it down.

Also: Spokane trip 5/24-28.

Skulking

There are days, of course, when I wish I had a place where I could write and not be known.

It's not that anything is wrong, of course, more like: Where can I go and scream out my lungs so I can reset and come back clear headed?

And then I remember: I have a journal. Yeesh. I think tonight might be a good night for going out into a dark place and writing and clearing my head a bit.

Clearing my head a bit = drinking.

God of War 2

Link will take you to the P-A comic.

Which pretty much nails it. I don't even know how far I am, (not very) and already my thumbs hurt. I have to take a break every 3rd save point, because my hands will ache if I don't. (So it's a good thing I've got FF12 to play in the meantime)

God of War 2 is, shall we understate, hyper-violent. I'm aware on a very basic level that I should not find the act of tearing off an arm to beat someone with it funny. Nor the act of slamming a door onto a head until the enemy dies . Nor the slicing off of griffin wings. Like buttah.

But I do.

Jesu review

From PopMatters.

Quote from the review: "The closing track “Stanlow” is the album’s single most accessible tune; even more than “Silver”, melody dominates over riffs, daring to rival the kind of sweeping stadium ballads that Coldplay excels at (in Chris Martin’s hands, this song would be a smash)."

Let me fix that.

"daring to rival the kind of sweeping stadium ballads that Coldplay excels at (in Chris Martin’s hands, this song would fucking suck donkeyballs pulled from my ass)"

I don't think that much of Coldplay, you might say. But the reviewer gets most of the rest of it right, even if he wants to insist 'Sliver's' best song was Star, when it was actually Dead Eyes.

The time change is kicking my ass, man. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've not been able to quite turn the bodyclock up as easily as I wind my watch. Part of it is; The Earth is not where it usually is when we do the timechange. It's still goddamn dark out when I get up, as opposed to the light showing up. For some reason, sunlight is equated with morning for me. Can't imagine why.

Goddamn Republicans. They're even trying to manipulate spacetime.

Things are pretty good otherwise. Lala's birthday party was last weekend, and holy crap did it rock. Work is work, but I'm gettin' paid, so no complaints. Going to Vegas next week to visit my Dad. So all is good.

The breakdown

Had a dream last night that I was being persued by people who wanted to stone me to death. I was telling them something they didn't want to hear.
It was made even odder by the fact that when I went from place to place (park to playground to hill, for example) I'd pass through these blue dotted lines, like the barriers in Final Fantasy 12, that show the transition from place to place there.

Either way it woke me up and I took a picture.
One bonus of doing the 24 hour film project is: I discovered I had a flickr account.

Who knew?

Currently listening to the new Jesu. It fucking rules. No really. You can hear a streaming version of Conqueror here.

A friend from high school as gotten back in touch with me. It's been cool, if a little strange. She's been through quite a lot...and me? Well. I'm still me, eh?

I guess that's it. Everybody stay tight.

The Departed and more

So I went and saw The Departed on Saturday (good timing, eh?), and let me just say it: It shouldn't've won best picture.

It was very, very good-I was ready to say it's the best damn gangster movie since Miller's Crossing. And then, without revealing too much, they cut the emotional legs out from under the audience. I think it was done to give it that Scorsese feel, but it really was unnecessary, because of the way things were going anyway. I was left dissatisfied, because the movie fucked with what I wanted from it as a story.

Don't get me wrong: Scorsese is one of the best, and most important directors in cinema. What he's forgotten about movies is more than any 4 people know about them. But The Aviator was a much better movie, and Goodfellas is a classic.

My desire, however, to see Infernal Affairs remains unabated.

I've also started watching The Wire and while some people have said it's the best show on TV (yeesh-the hype, the HYPE) I'm not seeing it yet. I've only watched 3 episodes, though, and it is pretty good.

Sat night dream

The dream was a recast of The Breakfast Club--you can imagine which character I was playing--and what I remember is Ally Sheedy's character smiling at me, but that I wasn't going to get to interview her. She wants to be interviewed, but we're both too shy around all the other people.

Anyway, the whole thing was taking place in a white single-floor house, and I kept going into the back, though the kitchen, into a living room and then a bathroom in the back. Wash my hands, look at the backyard, it just seemed important to keep moving through there. There was this co-worker of mine standing in the living room, and I kept squeezing her butt as I walked by, and she kept laughing at me, so I figured I'm good.

I return to everyone passing around a glass of wine in a church chalice. I drink from it, but the wine spills from my mouth, leaving me parched (I have a cold, and was sleeping with my mouth open). We put a kerchief on the spilt wine and as the red is soaked up, the word 'recline' comes up in black lettering.

And so I go outside, and lay down in the grass outside. Fireworks start to go off in the sky, and I'm thinking: everyone else is missing this but me. Why is that? As the dawn breaks, the fireworks are still going off, but I can tell it's time for me to go back inside.

Floating

There are days when I hate being so far away from people I love.

Today is one of those days.

Everybody take care.

Talk to me

I went to lunch with a co-worker today, and we did our comiseration thing, talking about life the universe and everything.

Next to us at the bar, sat a woman; red, tighly curled hair that fell down just past her shoulders. She's constantly aware of her cell phone, and there's some twinkling in her eyes that isn't from joy. She's chain smoking menthol Camels.

And I ask her if she's alright. She isn't, but thanks for asking.

So the 3 of us have this conversation about relationships. The two women I'm with: in bad relationships. Me: in a pretty good one.

I fully intend on doing what I can to keep it good.

But, here are these two women, who seem to be interesting people, interested in the universe, and they have surrounded themselves with men who, for whatever reason, aren't that good.

And all I can think of now is: please, please, please, don't let me turn into 'that guy' for very long. Please, please, m'lady, talk to me, tell me what's going on, tell me what is on your mind.

If someone has given up talking. The relationship is fucked. If someone has given up sex. The relationship is fucked.

I don't want to be that person, who has just let everything wither, because he is unable to rise up and say something. I worry about this because I look at my life and I worry about that...

I know I won't be happy all the time, but I no quitting. Please. No quitting.

Title goes here

Today, I'm going to try to go the whole day without swearing.

Just to see if I can. I conceed that I might not be able to do this.

Holy shit

I mean.
I mean.
Fuck. I just. Nevermind. The linky says all.

2007

This week's lookback:

Shotgun Messiah-Violent New Breed
Eureka Farm-The View
American Girls-Fairweather Words for Four Letter Friends
Mindset-A Bullet for Cinderella
Replacements-Tim
Richmond Fontaine-Safety
Mudhoney-Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge

So let's hear it for having a cold!
Meh.

You'll have to believe me when I tell you: I'm not looking for things to bitch about. Really. Things aren't bad, to tell the truth. I'm not terribly sick, and so long as I don't rockstar out anytime in the next few days, I should be OK.

Oh, mighty A.Ho, find your password and join me again! I'm just a rather insane person out here without you.

The past again

Cave In-Jupiter
Seaweed-Four
Melvins-Stoner Witch
The Sultans-Ghost Ship
Annie Lennox-Medusa
Van Halen-For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

Yes, I'm aware that I bought Cave In's record this year. I'm trying to get a handle on if I like them or not. They're the kind of band that makes music that I'd make if I could. Lots of strange songs. Heavy most of the time, but trippy others. Great sense of lyrical playing around-maybe not great lyrics, but at least clever. And while I like the most recent album, Jupiter is supposed to be their best.

I think, though, they're a band I need to see live.

Everything else is pretty much out there. I'm starting to be pretty sure that FUCK is a not good Van Halen album. But I was 16 when it came out, and it's hard not to love Poundcake in the summertime. I'll probably keep it.


I was reminded today that women look at a guy's shoes. That they use this as a basis for what kind of man that person is.
Sigh.

I get that clothes make the person, frequently. As someone who utterly sucks at clothing selection, I just try to devolve my choices to the simplest things I can: jeans. T shirts. Black shoes, almost always tennis shoes (or 'trainers') because every other kind of shoe I've ever worn in my life hurts my feet, and I walk frequently and hard in my shoes. But also black shoes because they go with everything, short of a white outfit. Or so I thought.
Anything work related: slacks, hopefully darkly colored. Shirt with collar. Sweaters if I need them.

But it doesn't matter. None of this is simple, I'm told. My jeans should be different, so they show off my body. I shouldn't wear white socks with black shoes. A whole host of rules and things that I've got no knowledge of, and honestly, I wonder why I have to give a fuck. Who's making up these goddamn rules?

Nobody wants to be judged on how they look, right? Isn't this the mantra I keep hearing from women?

But we are judged on how we look. To an extent, I understand this; when we're talking about what's attractive to us, there is a visual element that cannot be denied. But there's always the slip, that moment where we cross from: that looks good to that's about them.

I hate it. I hate it that someone will look at my shoes or my shirt and decide things about me. Will see that I'm wearing white socks with my black shoes and think I look like an idiot. I don't think I look like an idiot, I'm just trying to avoid being mocked, but then again, I have to admit that my fashion knowledge is pretty much zero.

Sigh.

The other part of this is: I hate spending money on this shit. It seems so non-essential. Does this article of clothing fit? Is it comfortable? That's pretty much it for me, as far as it goes.
Well, ok: is it dark? Green, blue, purple (ha), black. Let's just stick with those colors, so I don't fuck anything up. White dress shirts are fine; those can't really be fucked up either. I don't like brown or beige or basically anything light-colored. White. That's it. I have a peach colored shirt that I pretty much wear at my peril, since I don't think I ever match the appropriate pants with it. I've got a yellow T that one of my sisters bought for me, but even she said that she knew I would only wear it for the slogan on the front.

Yes, yes; I could look for sales!
But that's just something else that I have to do that I don't want to do. Ebay for clothes. Great. I'm trying to drink here. Sometimes I even try to write.

And it's never just one thing. No. You can't just have pants that fit, because pants don't fit; you need a belt to make sure they stay on. You can't just have shoes that work, you need socks that go with your outfit. And on and on and on. More shit to keep track of. Does this belt go with the outfit? Is the shirt right? There is no; one thing fits all, or hell, I'd even accept 'most'.

They're clothes. They don't get me drunk, or laid; they exist to cover me from the cold, protect my feet from injury, and advertise band logos.

I don't need 3 pairs of shoes. I need shoes that don't hurt me when I walk 2.5 miles in 20 minutes. I need only 2 pairs of jeans; one to wear, and one to wear while the other is getting washed.

And since I'm not going to get it right, I'm going to have clothes pressed upon me: I'm entirely at the mercy of other people. I guess if I could learn it once, and then never have to think about it again, that would be ok, but mostly I just feel stupid, especially when I'm shown things I don't like (as with one ex-girlfriend) but there's an insistance that I look good in them, so I should wear them and like it. I don't like those clothes; why are you making me wear them?

It didn't matter. She knew more than I did, so I should suck it up. (Yes, I realize this has more to do with the kind of relationship I was in than it does about the clothes)

It's just: fuck man. The clothes are clean. They're all of some kind of evil dark shade. What more do you want?

And everyone tells me I should care about this. I suppose I do, but I'm just too utilitarian, and too cheap.

No. I take it back: I don't care about this, and I resent having to care about this. That's really the problem. Everyone else insists that this is important, and I don't see how having jeans that show off my ass will make me any happier. My opinion of what I look like won't change; I don't think I'm that attractive, nor that ugly. I just exist-a bit on the bland side, but nobody ever mistook me for cute, you know? Even if they did, I wouldn't want to be cute; cute is the worst thing to be. Cute is, in my experience, the female catch-all for anything they like; puppies, baby alligators, orchids, shoes, mini-cars, etc etc. It's the McDonalds word of good looks.

I'm happy just not looking like a dumbass. I think-maybe-I've accomplished this. That I have to pay attention to actually looking good, when I'm looking at far more difficult personal issues, confounds me. (Of course, one could argue that if I solve those personal issues, then I'll have to pay attention to fashion. Better to just stick with why unpleasant psychological issues. Less confusing.)


I guess the flip side of this is: I should give it a shot. Instead of resisting and insisting that everone else should accomodate me, I should just accept the advice of the well meaning, and do my best to try and get the things that someone else says looks good, that I can be OK wearing, and then buy that and hope I never have to deal with it again. I don't need any clothes for awhile, but the day will come, so I should prepare for it now. If I can learn a baseline of how it's done, these things become much less daunting, and I can ignore all the rest. Hopefully. If I start mentally prepping for it now, my complaining will be much less when the day comes, and I can take the advice in good spirit, learn from it, and move on.

Personality test

Just kinda fun.

Personal stats:
Stability |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Orderliness |||||||||| 33%
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Snapshot:
messy, tough, disorganized, fearless, not rule conscious, likes the unknown, rarely worries, rash, attracted to the counter culture, rarely irritated, positive, resilient, abstract, not a perfectionist, risk taker, strange, weird, self reliant, leisurely, dangerous, anti-authority, trusting, optimistic, positive, thrill seeker, likes bizarre things, sarcastic

All I ask of myself

This week's blast from the past.

Neurosis-Through Silver in Blood
Sponge-Rotting Pinata
Revolver-Cold Water Flat
Smashing Pumpkins-Siamese Dream
Moby-Everything is Wrong
Grotus-Brown
Spineshank-Height of Callousness.

I've not listened to Neurosis in...years. But now I listen to Isis, Pelican, Jesu, Boris-the followers, if you will. So I'm giving Silver in Blood a real serious listen, to see if I missed something. I expect that, if it's anything like seeing Neurosis live, I'll pretty much want to kill the planet after it's over.

I mean that in a good way, of course.

Wallflower

I'm continuing with my retroactive investigation to albums of yore.

This week, I've been listening to:

Peter Gabriel-Security
Mystery Machine-Headfirst Into Everything
Goo Goo Dolls-Hold Me Up
Jesus Jones-Liquidizer
Mind Funk, s/t
Judas Priest-Painkiller
The Buck Pets-Mercurotones

I chose the Buck Pets, again, because I wanted to see if I should keep this album or sell it. I think there are only 2 songs that really catch me, and I think I'll be burning that album and selling it back. Yay, .5 returns on cds!

Peter Gabriel, of course, holds up just fine. The other albums are good; enjoyable listens, even if I won't carry each of them with me to the desert island.

Rocket!

I've been a bit stuck in my writing lately. I just don't know what to write next-what scene should come now.

In a fit of I don't know what, I raided my music collection and pulled out a bunch of CDs I've not listenend to in years. Like 5+ was the standard. 10 if I could manage it.

They are:
Fields of the Nephilim-Earth Inferno
Phil Collins-No Jacket Required
Blue Oyster Cult-Imaginos
Def Leppard-Hysteria
The Buck Pets-To The Quick
Alice In Chains-Facelift
Mark Eitzel-Caught In A Trap...
Faith No More-Angel Dust
Foo Fighters-s/t

You know what? So far, they're pretty cool, still. I've only listened to the first 3 all the way through. Listening to Def Leppard now, and fuck if it isn't catchy. I mean, I don't need to buy another album like that, but it's not bad having one.

Mild complaining

It's a pretty broad topic, in a way, but I really just want people to do what they say they'll do. When they don't do what they say they'll do, then I'm happy to accept a reason why (car broke down, emergency came up, sex, super awesome once in a lifetime chance to do x, whatever), but to hear nothing is demoralizing.

I know everyone has their own sense of honor and value, and I don't need it to match up with mine, but if you say you'll do something, and then don't, and all I get is silence, what am I supposed to think? My inclination is to think that you don't give a damn about me, and even when you're behaving in accordance with your nature, it's still hard to forgive and let go of this.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Brewing

So today, I brew beer. Lots of cleaning, and boiling, and stirring. It's an ale, that I'm fucking around with by adding black british malt, as you'd find in porters or stouts (I'm not adding much black malt, though), and using Rogue's Pacman yeast. I like Rogue's beers. A lot. Plus, I get to watch football.

I'm not saying it's the bestest day ever or anything like that, just, hey! This is what's happening.

I've built a new Magic deck, and so far it's looking pretty awesome-it's the first deck I've build in over a year, so it's nice that things are going well. And I'm still fucking in big ways with every deck I own; I mean, the revision of 103 decks takes some time.

Speaking of hot tubs

Link goes to imbedded video.
I'd say it's NSFW.
But funny.

So she says to me-

she says: What would it take to get you into a hot tub?

And I say: "The existance of a hot tub."

Ah...memories. Memories warning me to be more careful in my future hot tub adventures than I was back in the 'Kan.

What you don't remember? You weren't there?
Not going to help you out. Sorry.
Mistakes, as they say, were made. Not all bad, but still.
And at least one person who shouldn't've seen my penis did.
At least.

Vote!

I mean, really, damit. I'm not asking anybody to agree with me on the issues, but I am saying: Vote.

It's really not hard, and it's one of the best ways to get your voice heard.

Take some responsibility for the country.

Yay Joe and Monkey!

I know I've been slacking. I'm not the only one!
/teasing my comrade

But I've been showing a friend around Portland. And I've had houseguests. (Hi Dad!)

And other shit. Man, get off my back!

My beer goes on sale this weekend! I'm pumped.

I've decided

Boris' Pink needs some guy hitting a cowbell throughout the entire album. It's the only way an album like that could be improved, it's so awesome.

Poultromachy

A war devised and guided by Chickenhawks.
So. Awesome. Check it out in the link.

New Game!

Inspired by a link Fuz sent me from Center of Gravitas
It's called: What is Said. What is Meant.

What the Brit said (jokingly):
"5:45 in the morning-that really is too early to have a friend pick you up...I'll need a taxi."

What he meant:
"I'm too fucking stupid to set the alarm, so when the taxi is here and the phone rings at 5:45 to wake the house up, you'll know it's for me."

Anyone else want to play?

Tasty

Had a couple lagers with lunch today.
Now I'm back at work.
Really, I think the only way anyone can tell is that I'm a little more bouncy in my chair, while listening to heavy metal.
It's good to get away with things, sometimes.

NOOOOOO!!

NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo
NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo

It's just a good reason to drink whisky, you ask me.

Might have to start writing letters

At least when someone opens mail to read that they shouldn't, you know.

Fucking fucks.

That's no moon...

I had a dream last night that there were two moons. Both of them were full and beautiful, and I kept staring at them from my porch. The sun was going down, and but both the moons were easily visible. I was pretty sure this was the coolest thing I was ever going to get to see in my life.

When I woke up, I remembered there actually are two moons. Pretty cool.

Edit!-fixed link.

Damn, I'm good.

moxlotus wrote:
"If you "fail" at abstinence, it was clearly fault of your own. If used correctly, abstinence has a 100% success rate."


Me: "Then let me be the first to wish you continued success at that."

Wasted years

Spent just a little too much time fucking around tonight, especially given the misconception I was under.

Best not to do that again.

Sore

Danced last night. One of the songs was Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Sigh. It's still a fun song to dance to, you know?

I'm not often given to drinking at lunch on a work day

But today,the computer has been behaving like a true piece of Belzebub's brain.

So fuck it. Beer is legal to purchase, and can be enjoyed in an hour.

last update

At least until something changes.

Talked to Dad tonight, and he's doing fine. Bored to death, but still able to discuss why fundamantalists are still fucked up and spiritual people are called to behave with compassion, but not take it up the ass just because we're supposed to walk towards enlightenement.

Fun

Game I used to distract me from work for a brief moment.

Jesu

I'm...8 minutes into Jesu record.
It's awesome. The lack of guitar workings means I probably won't love this like I do Pelican.

But it's still fucking awesome.

Pirate for Congress

Stuff like this reminds me why I love America.

Happy birthday, Fuz!

Sorry this is a few days late.

Thanks

To everyone who sent good wishes.

Dad's in the hospital; he had something like an 80% blockage in one of his arteries.

But he's OK. He's on his back for the next 12 hours. He's on blood thiners, and apparently he can't drive for the next 3 days b/c if the act of breaking the car might cause the bloodclot that forms in his chest to come out.

I mean. Fuck.

But. He's ok. That's what goddamn matters.

sigh

Not to rain on everyone or anyone's good time.

My Dad is scheduled to have an angiogram tomorrow. Could be nothing. But he went into the hospital with chest pains tonight. I come back from the bar to find family happenings in a big way going on-shit he, of course, downplays hugely. But he's by himself down there, and that's a concern too. So.

Any good thoughts you got, are certainly welcome. You don't have to post anything here. As a matter of fact, he's the kind of person who'd just as soon you not-prayer being a quiet thing for him. But I'm worried, of course, and might have to travel down to Vegas soon for a little while, just cause.

Bradbury

Hey, it was Ray Bradbury's birthday yesterday! How cool is that?

I just like Bradbury's work.

A long one

This comes from my paper journal, edited for privacy reasons, but the essential thoughts are ones I'd like to share

....Yeah, I want a girlfriend, I want a partner. I want to be chosen. Not under duress, not because there's no one else. But because we honestly like one another. ButI have no idea how to get that to happen, beyond a friendship.

There is so much to learn I know, about how to to...sustain? Enjoy? Fuck. I don't even know that I have the language, in a romantic sense. I know how to make friendships work, so romances frighten me. Not because the risks seem greater. If one of my friends and I got into a fight, or for some reason couldn't be my friend anymore, that would break my heart as hard as anything. But because I don't know how to do the romance thing, I'm afraid of doing it badly.

Here's where I recall what my therapist said to me once: Love is about asking the other for the thing they are most afraid to give. We don't mean that, it's just part of what we're attracted to, somehow. But it's also got to be scary to ask for. Conversely, this means that love is also about giving that thing you are frightened of. How the fuck do you do that?

In friendships, there's a kind of vetting process-as well as an undersatnding of where the line is-so you dont' establish an intimacy you can't trust. But because a romantic relationship almost always means sex, and usually the sex happens pretty quickly, because we like sex, we usually have a sudden intimacy, because nothing pushes your buttons like sex does, nor as quickly. At the same tiem, there are still all of these emotional paths and barriers, some of which are normal and protective, others weight that we carry because we don't know how to put down, that now have to be dealt with. And we have to ask for maps to figure out all of those spaces-yet we already feel like we should have them, or the other person should, because we do have a connection to them.

Asking for directions isn't easy. The odds of being told no are fair, considering. When you have a friendship, those paths are followed at a mroe deliberate pace, and tehre are fewer shortcuts, so there's less fear. It's more controlled. Of course, at some point we still have to hang our ass out there, or the friendship either plateaus or withers. With romance, there's now a tension, the fight between the wonders of sex and the need to not reveal everything, because having everything revealed is scary. And usually unnecessary. We need private lives too.

So I hold the friendships up, because I know how to do them, but also because the romance takes time, I think. And if you aren't willing to give someone time to flourish on it's own, then can you ever really expect to get romance?

And we should get it. We deserved to be loved in friendly and sexual ways.

Addendum:
I think that there's something to be said for being open to the love that comes to you, and feeling like you can ask for it to manifest itself in ways that are positive. How we negotiate, I think, plays a large part in the kind of love we get-or if we get love at all.

And I know I have a ways to go, in understanding how and where it's OK for me to be romantic. That I won't be laughed at or mocked for doing something sweet for someone who loves me by the person who cares. Or that it doesn't matter: I can be brave and do this and anyone unwilling to see how good I'm trying to be probably isn't for me.

Concerts

There seem to be a bunch of cool shows coming up. Some I've already discussed here, but Wolf Parade is the 22nd of August. Muse is on Oct 3rd (and I'm told tix are very nearly gone). I'm told Secret Machines and Suftjan Stevens will be playing soon-October, I think.

Just a whole lot of good shows to go see and enjoy. Looking forward to carving up my time appropriately.

Warpup

Read this, and thought: yup. This is one of the great challenges facing me.

At the same time, it also makes me wish I was smarter. I think that the Stewardess has pretty much been saying this for awhile now. In her own perfect way.

Sunscreen

If they're right that PDX is going to be in the 90's this weekend, I'm going to need more of it, due to my haircut.

Do I look good?
Maybe if you dig on Travis Bickle

So cool!

Now gimme my landspeeder, bitches!

you go away for a little while, and it only takes 5 seconds to piss you off

Found this in a Salon round table discussion
(Louanne Brizendine says) "Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road," she writes. Men, however, "have O'Hare Airport as a hub for processing thoughts about sex, where women have the airfield nearby that lands small and private planes."

Gee. Thanks for basically justifing every stereotypical comment made about gender for...like, EVER.

I know she's a doctor, and the quote I saw may've been taken out of context, AND that there are differences between the ways men and women process sex and emotions. But.

How, exactly, do comments like this help us appreciate those differences, or even overcome them to the extent that we can actually get along?

Meh. Maybe I just need to get laid. I'm grouchy.
/oh, wait...

//if you want some fun, read the link. It shows a whole bunch of people not taking her statement very seriously, and is greatly cheering.

OK Go on treadmills

Link takes you to YouTube video.

Pretty damn cheering to watch; even in your darker hours.

Yeah!

It is quite likely that Fuz arrives today, starting at least one year of his teaching position.

I insist that today be good.

Guess what?!!

You know how it's exciting, when you come home and your ceiling is leaking? Which leads to a near keystone kops level of semantics called "where is the house leaking water now?"

Yeah.

Hey, it's a party!

Wait. You want to do what?

~backs very quietly away, starts car, drives away at high speed.~

If it's all the same to you, I prefer my parties to involve my penis in an entirely different manner.

Cleanup

I've been cleaning my room. Throwing away papers, and itemizing trinkets, photos, drawings from my niece.

I've stumbled upon a folder, the collection of pages and photos from an old, difficult relationship. I don't linger on it. I shove it away, since really, it's over, over, over. Those photos we smiled in are nice, but they are from a time when I was unaware of the lessons I had to learn.

I think I smile differently now. Not in a bad way. Just...I'm different now. Better, mostly, but just not the same.

The room is almost tidy again. That feels good. Even if other things in the universe are confusing, I can make the room a more welcoming place. Time to rest, and then finish my cleaning tomorrow.

perplexed

This last week has been excessively hot. Not just here, but in many parts of the country.

I don't own a car. I walk nearly everywhere I go. When I related to female coworkers (the majority gender at work) that I'd run a shirt through a rinse and spin cycle in order to wear it on a walk to the grocery store in upwards of 100° weather the reaction was that I had done a 'very guy thing'.

I honestly thought I was being sensible. I didn't realize I was such a dude.

We all know I'm weird

And this just kinda proves it.
I don't mind helping people move. Really. I mean, this is assuming they've done the fucking work they're supposed to do: boxing their shit up, getting an appropriate moving vehicle, etc, etc.

There is almost always beer afterward. I mean...beeeeer. Fuck man, for pizza and beer, I'd consider helping George Bush move. Especially if it's out of the White House.

Maybe I just like any excuse that brings people together to drink. This is most likely.

Sat morning dream

I don't remember much of the dream, except that I was reading a list of activities, like you'd see for camp or something.
The list appeared to be online, posted in a Livejournal style (dark blue/light blue boarders), and I only remember one thing on the list-the only thing I was expected to do.
2:00-02 p.m.: Instruct people in the Secret McDonald's Chicken McNugget Dance.

I woke up after that. It's probably for the best.

4am

Ah, the glories of alcohol.

Sleep. Soon. And all is improving in ways I cannot measure.

Seattle Bound

Outta here, G, for a few days. Portland...weighs on me. Actually, is more like I'm weighing on me, and it will be good to just see people who hold me up.

Take care of your bad selves.

I am so damned sexy

I made cuttoffs today.

Eat it. I'm hot.

Warren Ellis kicks ass

Taken from the 7/13 post.
"As ever, I am not at the San Diego Comics Convention next week. So quit asking.

Why am I not at San Diego? If you think I’m spending my own money on a business-class flight from London to San Diego for a fucking comics convention, you’re insane.

Also, Klingons. I never want to have to piss while standing next to Klingons again."

I so get that. I wish I didn't, but I do.

N/A

I was going to put something up here earlier. Now I can't remember what the hell it was. But instead of doing nothing, which is what I've been doing on this site for quite some time now, I figured I'd at least publicize my intent.


I do it for the fans.



A.Ho

Why I'm about to lose money at work

We're having to fill out job descriptions, so our pay can be adjusted to industry standard, right?

So I have to ask an HR evaluation person, as I'm filling this out:
"Hello, XXXX.
I am D M, and I'm working on filling out my job description for you,
and I have a question:
Should I be describing what I have, as far as skills, or what someone
else would need if they had to do my job?"

And the helpful HR person says:
"Thank you, D. You should be focusing on what someone would need if
they had to do your job.

Let me know if you have any other questions."

I'm so screwed. A dog and a monkey could do my job. At the very least someone with a brain and a GED.

Sigh.

3-1

Went 3-1 at the geek riots. There's nothing quite like winning to give you an answer to the dark days.

Even if you're not on, your mojo carries you, you know?

Fell on black days

It's one of those nights, where the black voices speak, and I have no answers for them.

Subtle hangover

Ugh. I'm very tired. Stayed up too late at the urging of someone who didn't exactly have my best interests at heart.
"C'mon! What do you have to do tomorrow that prevents you from having a PBR?"

Fuck, I can't count the number of things that prevent me from having a PBR. In addition, I was having a shit night anyway-my mojo had left me, and I was losing every game of cards I played. In addition, the guy who I was planning on going to Chicago with in Sept turned to me and said: So how about Chicago in November?
Because he wants to use Chicago to springboard to Dublin and see Bruce Springsteen.

Dude, Chicago in November is going to be fucking cold. Plus, everyone will be travelling around that time due to Thanksgiving.

So now everything is contingent on whether or not he gets a ticket to see Springsteen.
Is it wrong of me to hope that he misses one of the great concert experiences so I can get my greedy way?

So now I'm at work, trying not to work, and really in dire need of a nap. The mojo might be back, though, so there's that.

Fun things I've said lately

denying yourself things you want all the time leads to being a Republican

You can't expect to get to the good stuff without having to eat a little of the nasty sometimes

I mean, it's HOT to fuck in the stairwell/doorway/front seat
But it's repeat business to do it in bed.

And:
He's a fuck. (said about someone who truly is a fuck)

Rick Ruben + Metallica

So, Ruben is producing Metallica's next record.

This is pretty interesting and cool news to me. I haven't cared about a Metallica release since ...And Justice For All, and with good reason. And I put an equal amount of blame for Metallica's bland sound on Bob Rock, the producer of the records I could give a crap about. (That Metallica also just quit doing interesting things shares blame)

Now. I don't think I would've thought of Ruben. Terry Date, who worked with Soundgarden and Pantera, yes. Dave Jerden, who did Anthrax's sublime Sound of White Noise-that would be cool. Ross Robinson, who did At The Drive In's Relationship of Command, Blood Brother's Burn Piano Island Burn, and Slipknot's stuff. That might be interesting, although word is Robinson is trying to move away from strict metal.

Lord knows, Metallica defines metal in many, many ways. But Ruben has done so much interesting work, I'll confess; I'll be approaching the next Metallica album with a much more open mind than in the past. I hope I'm rewarded.

Scraps and so forth

Wiki's page on drinking games, for the next time you can't figure out how to put a beer cup to your lips and swallow:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Drinking_games


Only 2 stanzas of a poem I was working on that I liked:

You spread your heart thin
Like you're turning your
Physique into an emotional
Lifestyle


Who will come to aid
When something you hide
Gets loose, and runs free-
Pamploma

Double-talkin' jive

Ze Bloggin has been down for a couple days. Or at least, I couldn't post to it-some kind of Blogger thing.

The bummer of course is that the thing I was all into posting a couple days ago? Well, it's too late now.

Now I need a soda for my tummy (too many different kinds of beer last night-but not too much beer), and certainly a nap would be more than welcome.
Oh yes. A nap.

I've heard GnR's Double-Talkin' Jive in my head upon awakening for the past 3 days in a row. I think I have to dig out the song.

Suddenly, after a year of not really doing much but watching, I volunteered for 3 things at the OBC. You'd think I had no life.

A. Said it better

I remember watching The Fumes play at Ichabod's in Spokane. Ichabod's was a poorly lit place with a strange layout; cheap wrought iron fences seperating the dancing and stage area from the tables and drinkers. This must have been 10 years ago, easy.

The Fumes were doing their punk rock thing, and I stood there with Mr Forehead and watched Gus move at supersonic speeds between the snare and high-hat, the bass drum being kicked like a LAPD victim, and it took a second, but I realized that both Mr F and I were mesermized by the drumming. Forehead turns to me and said: "You know Gus is actually an alien?"
"Yeah. How else do you explain that?"

I haven't seen Gus in years. But he was always nice to me, (in the 'Kan it's pretty easy to meet musical heroes) and I'm just sorry that someone nice is gone.

Guitar Hero

I might have to get this.
There's just too much good stuff said about it, and quite honestly, I like to rock out.

Oh yes. I like to rock out.

Joe and Monkey

I've decided I like it.

Some readers

Might enjoy the latest rant on my site. I'm thinking mostly here of The Capt, and Fuz, who will probably see me in fine, high style. The Stewardess might be amused by this, but it's hard to tell. Everyone else can do what they will.

But it's basically me saying fuck you a whole lot.

I love bears

Because when they do things like go into 24hr quicky marts, and dumbasses try to take photos...dumbasses get what they deserve.

And the bear...just continues being a bear.

What I learned w/the amigo this weekend

Faux-hawks are the new mullets.

"I have an unreasoning hatred of parades."
"I don't think it's that unreasonable."

"You know what we should do? Make a candy called 'Choco-Starfish'."
"Aw, man..."

I have improved, microscopically, at Halo.

We like beer.

Our one time bar has fallen from grace, sadly. Time to move to the next place, or get hard drinks every time.
'Cause the cheesesticks still rock.

I was thinking about giving away my GC

But now I don't know that I can.

I have very few holdovers from my childhood. In part becauyse so many of them have been shat upon in one way or another.

It's not inherently a bad thing; it's a sign from the universe that I should move on from childhood things and find something new (read: pornography and heavy metal. {I'm all grown'd up now!!!!11!!!}).

However, when something comes along that does the things I loved as a young one right, I find it hard to resist or ignore those things.

Maybe it's not worth fighting-if it's good, then why not just enjoy it? It's not like there isn't more than enough suck out there.

Horoscope

I don't often dig on the Horoscope, but this one is from the Onion:
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will once again resort to drinking your problems away, abusing tap water in an attempt to forget your dehydration issues.

Fuck it. Sounds like a plan.

Thanks Fuz

Before you clicky the linky!
Know that the site you're going to is an anti-gay marriage site.

Let me just say that they have failed to convince me how great marriage is.

What I'm Not Good At

I have a date tonight. I'm doing my best to think good thoughts about this, to see the positive, the potential. Yesterday, when I hooked up the rendezvous, I was rather impressive. I find it unlikely that this will carry over. Change of environment = change of behaviors. Yesterday the environment was in my favor. Today, probably not so much.

This is suckitude.

UPDATE: Date has been postponed. I am secretly relieved.

Sure it's bogus. So what?

I mean really. What Xtreme kid today can resist the military if they're making urban combat skateboards?

I'm an uncle. Again.

Just got word that my sister has had her baby, a boy, 8lbs and some odd oz. and about 21 inches. Or something like that.
Point is; everyone is fine.
Good stuff, eh?

Blogging Is Hardish

Sometimes I feel guilty about having a blog. If I feel like writing I often don't have anything particularly interesting to write. If I have something interesting to write about I usually don't have any desire to write. I literally had this realization just a few seconds ago and it helps me feel better about myself as a blogger to have that explanation.

It is true that I could sit down and make myself write when I don't feel like it, but this isn't school or a job so the only consequences are that I don't post. Nobody is going to be overly concerned that I'm not working towards my blogging potential.

By nature I've never been one that felt the need to speak. I generally only speak if I feel I have something worthy to contribute. It helps to have a conversation worth contributing to.

I remember sitting around the lunch table during my Junior year of high school with my peers. People chatted away and I very rarely had anything to say. The conversation was asinine and not worthy of commentary, but as an adolescent there was that sense of being left out, of being socially inferior, of being alone. My Senior year I finally found people that I connected with, and then in a flash it was over.

In conclusion I find that having a blog gives me a forum when I want it. It's a place for me to connect with a couple old friends that I rarely get to see. It's also allowed me to meet a couple new people, and it's introduced me to a few people that I feel like I've met. So, it's been worthwhile, even if I don't always feel that the content justifies it.

yesterday

Did a lot of things yesterday. Thanks to everyone who helped or contributed or whatever whatever whatever.
From my journal-the physical one:

"Maybe this is what birthday's should be for. A positive reckoning of good stuff. I don't want to feel this happy all the time. Life is life, not joy induced by some bizzare pleasure seeker."

Nah, I don't know exactly what it all means either, but I had a good day.

Huh?

I can't prove it, of course. But I may have just been asked out.
No. No, sorry. I'm all wrong. It's just a coworker wondering if I'd attend a concert w/her.
Whew. Women are very confusing.

Smart peeps

I am curious as to your thoughts.

First: we have this story about a judge ordering Google to turn over records of what people have searched for. The good news: the gov't has substancially 'narrowed' their request parameters. The bad news: it still might friggin' happen.

I view this as an invasion of privacy. The internet is, amongst other things, a giant libarary, and nobody should be able to find out what I'm reading or researching unless I want to tell them. This whole movement by the Chimperor's people is being done 'for the children' of course; the gov't insists they want to hunt down child pornographers-which I'm all for. However, I don't want them using drift nets to do it.

I go into the Fark thread because it's good to get different perspectives. There's the usual: 'If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear' bullshit that is always spouted by white boys who have never had the system turn on them, and then there was a comment about how Google was stupid for keeping records in the first place.

I don't necessarily agree with this; I could see how this information might be used in a business sense, a way for Google to basically pay the bills, but I can't get that clear in my head. Perhaps the audience will have thoughts? Nonetheless, since the internet isn't run by the public, like libraries are (if you take my meaning), some data is going to have to be collected soas to turn a profit.

Slightly downthread, however, was a posting for Clusty, a search engine that has a privacy statement. Which I think is pretty cool. (Whether or not they actually follow that statement is another matter, but for the time being, let's assume they do.) The question is; can it really equal Google's searching power? Because that's really what it's about; finding what you want in a short period of time.

I must ask though, does it even matter? Doesn't Google have such a meme-presence now that people will just use Google even if they shouldn't because that's what they've always used? It certainly feels like that.

Then again, I'm a Mac user, so there's obviously room in any given market for some kind of competition. In addition, it doesn't seem like Google is taking this lawsuit lying down; I honestly believe it will go to the Supreme Court. However, given the Supreme Court's makeup these days, I have little faith that a right to privacy would be protected there. Even former SCJ's feel the things have shifted in a bad way.

Thoughts?

Humility

One thing I did w/my money was give to Habitat for Humanity as recommended from the Bunch blog.

I don't say this publically for kudos. I say this publically because while I often think of and give to homeless organizations here in Portland, I 'forgot' about the effects of hurricane Katrina, and how they are still trying to overcome from a massive blow to them, in every sense of the word.

And I'm a bit ashamed at that. I understand that I'm not responsible for remembering every good cause, or even contributing to them, but I didn't even consider giving to something that wasn't local.
And Katrina hit what, 8 months ago? Maybe less, maybe a little more?

Jesus. I often think that I'm smarter than the average bear, and I remember history and keep in mind that people often take a long, long time to recover from bad things that happen to them. That recovery from damage only comes when help is given-freely and with a clear heart. So to be so oblivious is a sharp repremand to my...uh righteousness.

So I guess what I am doing is apologizing.
From the 13th Warrior
"For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness."

In the future, I'll try to be more attentive. Maybe not to the entire world, but at least congnizant of more of it.

$624

This is the amount of my tax return.

I’m in the enviable position, this year, of not needing this money. A small portion will be donated (via my usual outlets) to charities that serve the homeless. Everything else is really taken care of: retirement accts: check. Bills paid: check. Figure I’ve got about $550 left over.
So it’s time to treat myself! I’m going to get…

Well, shit. The best I can come up with at this point is a PS2 version of Resident Evil 4. So I can play the alternate story.

That’s kinda lame. I’m just really, really bad at buying gifts for myself. I’ve got a birthday coming up and everything, so I can pretty much justify buying whatever crazy shit I want. I just don’t seem to want that much. (Not that theThunder 1M isn’t cool, I just don’t need it.)

So I turn to the blog. Suggestions, anyone? I’m cashing Unkle Sam’s check today.

Cultural Conspiracy

Anyone remember a few years back, when we had the summer of 'Astroid hits Earth' movies, but in the months just prior to that, we had all kinds of stupid media stories about how some kind of celestial object was/could/may have/what's your definition of 'is' hit the Earth?
Or the summer or so after that, when there were all kinds of reports about Mars, strangely enough before a year of movies involving either Mars and/or alien invasion?
I always felt there had to be some kind of conspiracy out there, pushing such crap upon the populace, in a valiant attempt to get the public to pay attention to shit that was...well, shit, for far longer than they would ordinarily, and perhaps suck an extra half-million from Joe/Jane Moron. I based this on no real science, just observation and years of cynicism. Hell, look out into bloggerland and see the vast amounts of focus we as a people (not us obviously, because we're too damn smart here) put into the latest nimrod concept.
So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the next thing to assault our senses; it is advised that if you have weak stomachs, or just don't want to spend the rest of the week wishing the Black Death to return, or perhaps you wear, like myself, the tinfoil lined hat, that you not continue on from here.
In the news: Snakes. On a plane.
Somebody should make a movie!

Insignifigance

Hmmm.
I don't know that I should post.
But I feel like writing. That I don't have anywhere to write-this is its dilemna.
But there's something in my noggin, inspired by the usual substances, that wants to have it's run of the universe.
Or play RE 4, which I can't do.
But I don't want to post at the http://a.bunchof.us/ block, 'cause then everyone knows I'm a user.

smells like 1988

The Cult, yes… that The Cult, are were on Craig Ferguson tonight.

Weird.

Daredevil

I just very quickly want to give a 'Hell yeah' to the latest issue of Daredevil. The last creative team ended the series in a place that would be difficult for many-the continuity clock was not reset, our hero was not put back into his life as though nothing had happened, with liberty and justice for all.

Like it or not, the last run of Daredevil focused more on the lawyer than the hero. As a result, the series had a more humanistic bent; less fighting, more character dynamics. And, as a consequence of this, the end of the series did not come with a huge fight scene (although there was one hell of a knockdown) but in the courtroom-and with Matt Murdock being sentenced to prison.

The new creative team (writer Ed Brubaker and artist Michael Lark) start there, and they hit the ground running. My complaint at this point is that there seems to be 'overcorruption'; it seems that not only the guards, but the administrators-hell, everyone except Murdock is somehow tainted. It will be interesting to see how this plays out, though; I have great faith in Brubaker as a writer (he's always been good-Sleeper is one of the best reads you could ask for in the superhero/superspy genre. Yes, I know) and Lark is handling the art chores quite fluidly.

So I'm sticking with it.

A.Ho's Music Highlights (Episode 1)

Link

On Kindness

Aaron's last post make me wonder-how does one be kind?

This is going to be a little convoluted, so I'll do the best I can.

I was very, very angry as a young lad. The universe was unfair, and I was desperate with rage at this fact. This condition was made worse by the fact that people who should've been tipping the scales to balance, were not doing so. I decided to become an asshole, mostly because that way I'd be harder to damage.

Somewhere along the line, in high school, or more likely early college, I just got tired of being pissed off all the time. I decided to try and still be me-honest, good friend, resolute-without alienating everyone who came around me. Being angry seemed futile, and accomplished little. The universe-and the morons in it-weren't going to change. I had to change.

But, since I'd been fucked with and raised by people who loved me, and was around people who cared for me, my change was to be more compassionate towards everyone else, or at least to try and be more compassionate towards others. It's not easy, but it seemed better than being angry. Mostly, it is better than being angry.

Except. Except now I'm depressed. What did I do with the fire inside? I shut it off. It did not serve a purpose, I felt, so I clamped the bellows and let the forge go cool. And now I don't exactly know what to do.

Anyone who's been around me when I've gone on a rant-especially when buzzed-has seen that my anger at the universe for not being right-or fair-is not dead. Oh no. But I don't know what to do with it now. And when I don't know what to do with it, the anger cools, and sinks to the bottom of my consciousness, and eventually weighs me down.

It's been said I should be a teacher, or perhaps a therpist. Those professions do seem interesting, I'll confess. Something where I'm involved in helping people (to learn, to get better), or able to unleash some righteous vengeance (anything involving the destruction of self-important neocons) feels like a better thing than just punching keys all day. But I don't do those things. I don't know how, and I'm...more than a little concerned that I'm not good at them, even when I do know what I'm doing.

Kindness, I think, is a default for me, but anger is also a default setting for me. My OS is all fucked up. But when I see A. talk about needing to be more kind, I wonder if I'm really missing something here, because this is a man who has reminded me, on more than one occasion, to be open to the struggles of others. Others whom I do not want to be open to. I am not trying to minimize his goals to be a better man, nor say: Ah, you're fine, don't do that. I just wonder what I'm missing when someone who I feel is kind, does not feel he's done enough. Makes me think that I've got a long, long way to go.

The flip side of this is; I need to do something with my anger. I don't want to be fucking depressed. I don't need the weight of anger gone wrong. I need to honor it, use it appropriately, so I can move on. Not every situation can be handled by mere mortals with simple kindness. I just don't know how to work that out, yet.

May I buy you a Coke? May I teach you to sing?

I needed something to post about and Kerry's post on resolutions has sparked the topic.

I started a resolution in Nov/Dec as a warm up for the coming New Year. I couldn't remember the last time I'd made a resolution or any time that I actually thought about it beyond January 2^nd, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. My resolution at that time was to turn off the PC and TV by 11pm. This would allow me to wind down and go to sleep. I knew that without cathode ray stimulation I would actually feel tired and go to bed, otherwise I was liable to stay up until 1, 2, or 3AM. Being that I regularly need to be out of bed for work anytime between 4 & 6 AM this was not beneficial. That lasted for a couple weeks, not even into the New Year, and even now it is midnight. I haven't given up, I just need to recommit.

The other resolution I came up with right around Christmas time was that I needed to read more. Specifically, well mostly, fiction. I know that there are stories that I should read. The goal started as one book every pay period (2 weeks). Not wanting to set myself up for failure I modified it to one book per month, then I modified it to 6 books for the year. That is roughly 3x as many books as I finished reading in 2005.

But these resolutions are really just pet resolutions, habits I should develop. The resolution that means the most is to be more kind. Quite simply, I'm a mean son of a bitch.

(Insert smiley face.)

It boils down to this: I want to develop a greater kindness and patience in those moments when kindness wants to bail, when it begs to step aside to make way for rudeness and anger. Kindness is one thing I know I can do that makes a real change in the world. The effects are not measurable but they are important to me.

Stupid Bowl

First off I'll link to The Goat's post regarding this abhorrent travesty. He's provided plenty of interesting links.

I think this game should've been much different, and that's not to say that the Seahawks would've won, but that terrible calls certainly changed the course of it. The Seahawks didn't do so well in the second half, and it would've been great to see them overcome the lemons thrust upon them, but the momentum and morale of the second half was marred by the calls in the first. I feel they were robbed of the opportunity to show what they could do, even if they lost, it could've been a tighter more nail biting experience.

I'm not a really big sports guy and I've never been a real fan of any particular NFL team, but after this game my allegiance lies squarely with the Seattle Seahawks. Through good times and bad they are now MY team.

Sigh

Seattle played such a fucking good first half, despite some questionable reffing, I really thought this was going to be one of the best Superbowls ever. Not just because a team I like could win, but because they really seemed to be solidly matched.

And the 2nd half, everything that could go against Seattle did-including some of the most questionable officiating I've seeen in awhile.

Congrats to the Steelers, who I root for under almost every other circumstances, and who certainly fought hard to get there.

But man...I so expected a different result.

This.That

I've been drinking more beer than usual the last couple of weeks. Lately two beers accompany dinner followed by a third to kick it all down with. I don't consider that excessively excessive, but it's more than normal for me. Maybe it's a midwinter coping mechanism. Sierra Nevada and Mirror Pond pales are what I've been favoring.


I picked up a couple new albums Friday before last. Best Buy had a nice sale on some indie titles so I picked up Danger Doom's The Mouse and The Mask and Antony and the Johnsons' I am a bird Now. I like the Danger Doom quite a bit, which follows suit with my recent rekindled fondness for Vaudeville Villain, but the other isn't quite doing it for me yet. I imagine I am a bird Now will be a treasure that future A.Ho discovers.

A group that perked my ears the other day is The National. I've listened to Alligator a couple of times and thought it was nice enough, but my fancy remained unstruck. Then I was in Boo Radley's the other day when they were playing it and it grabbed me. The same thing happened with Wolf Parade, the current king of my Top Artists chart on last.fm. It will be interesting to see if the phenomenon sticks with The National.

Music that I currently really want to get my hands on: Jamie Lidell Multiply


I finished up season two of Buffy this week. I was not expecting much out of this. The first season created enough interest in me to eventually grab the second. The second season started slow, building up to a nice pace, and then POW! That finale was something else! It certainly ranks in my finest hours of television entertainment.


I spent some time playing around with Splinter Cell this week. It's one of my all-time favorite video games. I should give #2 a shot again, but they changed some stuff in the gameplay that I didn't really dig, all because some people thought the first one was too hard. That's one of the things I really dug about it. It was a giant puzzle begging to be solved, with few opportunities to gun your way through. Love it.

And now I'm back to playing Oddworld - Stranger's Wrath. I saw that Play magazine gave it the XBox Game of the Year and this inspired me to jump back into that fun little 'verse. It is quite a ride. I think maybe I'll go play it right now.

Loop? What Loop?

Tonight I plan to watch a movie that's nearly 20 years old that, apparently, the entire population of Earth has seen but me.

So…Coming Soon, to a Viewing Screen near me (it's in my living room) -- Spaceballs.

Pretty Good Idea