Might have to start writing letters

At least when someone opens mail to read that they shouldn't, you know.

Fucking fucks.

That's no moon...

I had a dream last night that there were two moons. Both of them were full and beautiful, and I kept staring at them from my porch. The sun was going down, and but both the moons were easily visible. I was pretty sure this was the coolest thing I was ever going to get to see in my life.

When I woke up, I remembered there actually are two moons. Pretty cool.

Edit!-fixed link.

Damn, I'm good.

moxlotus wrote:
"If you "fail" at abstinence, it was clearly fault of your own. If used correctly, abstinence has a 100% success rate."


Me: "Then let me be the first to wish you continued success at that."

Wasted years

Spent just a little too much time fucking around tonight, especially given the misconception I was under.

Best not to do that again.

Sore

Danced last night. One of the songs was Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Sigh. It's still a fun song to dance to, you know?

I'm not often given to drinking at lunch on a work day

But today,the computer has been behaving like a true piece of Belzebub's brain.

So fuck it. Beer is legal to purchase, and can be enjoyed in an hour.

last update

At least until something changes.

Talked to Dad tonight, and he's doing fine. Bored to death, but still able to discuss why fundamantalists are still fucked up and spiritual people are called to behave with compassion, but not take it up the ass just because we're supposed to walk towards enlightenement.

Fun

Game I used to distract me from work for a brief moment.

Jesu

I'm...8 minutes into Jesu record.
It's awesome. The lack of guitar workings means I probably won't love this like I do Pelican.

But it's still fucking awesome.

Pirate for Congress

Stuff like this reminds me why I love America.

Happy birthday, Fuz!

Sorry this is a few days late.

Thanks

To everyone who sent good wishes.

Dad's in the hospital; he had something like an 80% blockage in one of his arteries.

But he's OK. He's on his back for the next 12 hours. He's on blood thiners, and apparently he can't drive for the next 3 days b/c if the act of breaking the car might cause the bloodclot that forms in his chest to come out.

I mean. Fuck.

But. He's ok. That's what goddamn matters.

sigh

Not to rain on everyone or anyone's good time.

My Dad is scheduled to have an angiogram tomorrow. Could be nothing. But he went into the hospital with chest pains tonight. I come back from the bar to find family happenings in a big way going on-shit he, of course, downplays hugely. But he's by himself down there, and that's a concern too. So.

Any good thoughts you got, are certainly welcome. You don't have to post anything here. As a matter of fact, he's the kind of person who'd just as soon you not-prayer being a quiet thing for him. But I'm worried, of course, and might have to travel down to Vegas soon for a little while, just cause.

Bradbury

Hey, it was Ray Bradbury's birthday yesterday! How cool is that?

I just like Bradbury's work.

A long one

This comes from my paper journal, edited for privacy reasons, but the essential thoughts are ones I'd like to share

....Yeah, I want a girlfriend, I want a partner. I want to be chosen. Not under duress, not because there's no one else. But because we honestly like one another. ButI have no idea how to get that to happen, beyond a friendship.

There is so much to learn I know, about how to to...sustain? Enjoy? Fuck. I don't even know that I have the language, in a romantic sense. I know how to make friendships work, so romances frighten me. Not because the risks seem greater. If one of my friends and I got into a fight, or for some reason couldn't be my friend anymore, that would break my heart as hard as anything. But because I don't know how to do the romance thing, I'm afraid of doing it badly.

Here's where I recall what my therapist said to me once: Love is about asking the other for the thing they are most afraid to give. We don't mean that, it's just part of what we're attracted to, somehow. But it's also got to be scary to ask for. Conversely, this means that love is also about giving that thing you are frightened of. How the fuck do you do that?

In friendships, there's a kind of vetting process-as well as an undersatnding of where the line is-so you dont' establish an intimacy you can't trust. But because a romantic relationship almost always means sex, and usually the sex happens pretty quickly, because we like sex, we usually have a sudden intimacy, because nothing pushes your buttons like sex does, nor as quickly. At the same tiem, there are still all of these emotional paths and barriers, some of which are normal and protective, others weight that we carry because we don't know how to put down, that now have to be dealt with. And we have to ask for maps to figure out all of those spaces-yet we already feel like we should have them, or the other person should, because we do have a connection to them.

Asking for directions isn't easy. The odds of being told no are fair, considering. When you have a friendship, those paths are followed at a mroe deliberate pace, and tehre are fewer shortcuts, so there's less fear. It's more controlled. Of course, at some point we still have to hang our ass out there, or the friendship either plateaus or withers. With romance, there's now a tension, the fight between the wonders of sex and the need to not reveal everything, because having everything revealed is scary. And usually unnecessary. We need private lives too.

So I hold the friendships up, because I know how to do them, but also because the romance takes time, I think. And if you aren't willing to give someone time to flourish on it's own, then can you ever really expect to get romance?

And we should get it. We deserved to be loved in friendly and sexual ways.

Addendum:
I think that there's something to be said for being open to the love that comes to you, and feeling like you can ask for it to manifest itself in ways that are positive. How we negotiate, I think, plays a large part in the kind of love we get-or if we get love at all.

And I know I have a ways to go, in understanding how and where it's OK for me to be romantic. That I won't be laughed at or mocked for doing something sweet for someone who loves me by the person who cares. Or that it doesn't matter: I can be brave and do this and anyone unwilling to see how good I'm trying to be probably isn't for me.

Concerts

There seem to be a bunch of cool shows coming up. Some I've already discussed here, but Wolf Parade is the 22nd of August. Muse is on Oct 3rd (and I'm told tix are very nearly gone). I'm told Secret Machines and Suftjan Stevens will be playing soon-October, I think.

Just a whole lot of good shows to go see and enjoy. Looking forward to carving up my time appropriately.

Warpup

Read this, and thought: yup. This is one of the great challenges facing me.

At the same time, it also makes me wish I was smarter. I think that the Stewardess has pretty much been saying this for awhile now. In her own perfect way.

Sunscreen

If they're right that PDX is going to be in the 90's this weekend, I'm going to need more of it, due to my haircut.

Do I look good?
Maybe if you dig on Travis Bickle

So cool!

Now gimme my landspeeder, bitches!

you go away for a little while, and it only takes 5 seconds to piss you off

Found this in a Salon round table discussion
(Louanne Brizendine says) "Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road," she writes. Men, however, "have O'Hare Airport as a hub for processing thoughts about sex, where women have the airfield nearby that lands small and private planes."

Gee. Thanks for basically justifing every stereotypical comment made about gender for...like, EVER.

I know she's a doctor, and the quote I saw may've been taken out of context, AND that there are differences between the ways men and women process sex and emotions. But.

How, exactly, do comments like this help us appreciate those differences, or even overcome them to the extent that we can actually get along?

Meh. Maybe I just need to get laid. I'm grouchy.
/oh, wait...

//if you want some fun, read the link. It shows a whole bunch of people not taking her statement very seriously, and is greatly cheering.

OK Go on treadmills

Link takes you to YouTube video.

Pretty damn cheering to watch; even in your darker hours.

Yeah!

It is quite likely that Fuz arrives today, starting at least one year of his teaching position.

I insist that today be good.

Guess what?!!

You know how it's exciting, when you come home and your ceiling is leaking? Which leads to a near keystone kops level of semantics called "where is the house leaking water now?"

Yeah.

Hey, it's a party!

Wait. You want to do what?

~backs very quietly away, starts car, drives away at high speed.~

If it's all the same to you, I prefer my parties to involve my penis in an entirely different manner.

Cleanup

I've been cleaning my room. Throwing away papers, and itemizing trinkets, photos, drawings from my niece.

I've stumbled upon a folder, the collection of pages and photos from an old, difficult relationship. I don't linger on it. I shove it away, since really, it's over, over, over. Those photos we smiled in are nice, but they are from a time when I was unaware of the lessons I had to learn.

I think I smile differently now. Not in a bad way. Just...I'm different now. Better, mostly, but just not the same.

The room is almost tidy again. That feels good. Even if other things in the universe are confusing, I can make the room a more welcoming place. Time to rest, and then finish my cleaning tomorrow.

perplexed

This last week has been excessively hot. Not just here, but in many parts of the country.

I don't own a car. I walk nearly everywhere I go. When I related to female coworkers (the majority gender at work) that I'd run a shirt through a rinse and spin cycle in order to wear it on a walk to the grocery store in upwards of 100° weather the reaction was that I had done a 'very guy thing'.

I honestly thought I was being sensible. I didn't realize I was such a dude.

We all know I'm weird

And this just kinda proves it.
I don't mind helping people move. Really. I mean, this is assuming they've done the fucking work they're supposed to do: boxing their shit up, getting an appropriate moving vehicle, etc, etc.

There is almost always beer afterward. I mean...beeeeer. Fuck man, for pizza and beer, I'd consider helping George Bush move. Especially if it's out of the White House.

Maybe I just like any excuse that brings people together to drink. This is most likely.

Sat morning dream

I don't remember much of the dream, except that I was reading a list of activities, like you'd see for camp or something.
The list appeared to be online, posted in a Livejournal style (dark blue/light blue boarders), and I only remember one thing on the list-the only thing I was expected to do.
2:00-02 p.m.: Instruct people in the Secret McDonald's Chicken McNugget Dance.

I woke up after that. It's probably for the best.

4am

Ah, the glories of alcohol.

Sleep. Soon. And all is improving in ways I cannot measure.

Seattle Bound

Outta here, G, for a few days. Portland...weighs on me. Actually, is more like I'm weighing on me, and it will be good to just see people who hold me up.

Take care of your bad selves.

I am so damned sexy

I made cuttoffs today.

Eat it. I'm hot.

Warren Ellis kicks ass

Taken from the 7/13 post.
"As ever, I am not at the San Diego Comics Convention next week. So quit asking.

Why am I not at San Diego? If you think I’m spending my own money on a business-class flight from London to San Diego for a fucking comics convention, you’re insane.

Also, Klingons. I never want to have to piss while standing next to Klingons again."

I so get that. I wish I didn't, but I do.

N/A

I was going to put something up here earlier. Now I can't remember what the hell it was. But instead of doing nothing, which is what I've been doing on this site for quite some time now, I figured I'd at least publicize my intent.


I do it for the fans.



A.Ho

Why I'm about to lose money at work

We're having to fill out job descriptions, so our pay can be adjusted to industry standard, right?

So I have to ask an HR evaluation person, as I'm filling this out:
"Hello, XXXX.
I am D M, and I'm working on filling out my job description for you,
and I have a question:
Should I be describing what I have, as far as skills, or what someone
else would need if they had to do my job?"

And the helpful HR person says:
"Thank you, D. You should be focusing on what someone would need if
they had to do your job.

Let me know if you have any other questions."

I'm so screwed. A dog and a monkey could do my job. At the very least someone with a brain and a GED.

Sigh.

3-1

Went 3-1 at the geek riots. There's nothing quite like winning to give you an answer to the dark days.

Even if you're not on, your mojo carries you, you know?

Fell on black days

It's one of those nights, where the black voices speak, and I have no answers for them.

Subtle hangover

Ugh. I'm very tired. Stayed up too late at the urging of someone who didn't exactly have my best interests at heart.
"C'mon! What do you have to do tomorrow that prevents you from having a PBR?"

Fuck, I can't count the number of things that prevent me from having a PBR. In addition, I was having a shit night anyway-my mojo had left me, and I was losing every game of cards I played. In addition, the guy who I was planning on going to Chicago with in Sept turned to me and said: So how about Chicago in November?
Because he wants to use Chicago to springboard to Dublin and see Bruce Springsteen.

Dude, Chicago in November is going to be fucking cold. Plus, everyone will be travelling around that time due to Thanksgiving.

So now everything is contingent on whether or not he gets a ticket to see Springsteen.
Is it wrong of me to hope that he misses one of the great concert experiences so I can get my greedy way?

So now I'm at work, trying not to work, and really in dire need of a nap. The mojo might be back, though, so there's that.

Fun things I've said lately

denying yourself things you want all the time leads to being a Republican

You can't expect to get to the good stuff without having to eat a little of the nasty sometimes

I mean, it's HOT to fuck in the stairwell/doorway/front seat
But it's repeat business to do it in bed.

And:
He's a fuck. (said about someone who truly is a fuck)

Rick Ruben + Metallica

So, Ruben is producing Metallica's next record.

This is pretty interesting and cool news to me. I haven't cared about a Metallica release since ...And Justice For All, and with good reason. And I put an equal amount of blame for Metallica's bland sound on Bob Rock, the producer of the records I could give a crap about. (That Metallica also just quit doing interesting things shares blame)

Now. I don't think I would've thought of Ruben. Terry Date, who worked with Soundgarden and Pantera, yes. Dave Jerden, who did Anthrax's sublime Sound of White Noise-that would be cool. Ross Robinson, who did At The Drive In's Relationship of Command, Blood Brother's Burn Piano Island Burn, and Slipknot's stuff. That might be interesting, although word is Robinson is trying to move away from strict metal.

Lord knows, Metallica defines metal in many, many ways. But Ruben has done so much interesting work, I'll confess; I'll be approaching the next Metallica album with a much more open mind than in the past. I hope I'm rewarded.

Scraps and so forth

Wiki's page on drinking games, for the next time you can't figure out how to put a beer cup to your lips and swallow:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Drinking_games


Only 2 stanzas of a poem I was working on that I liked:

You spread your heart thin
Like you're turning your
Physique into an emotional
Lifestyle


Who will come to aid
When something you hide
Gets loose, and runs free-
Pamploma

Double-talkin' jive

Ze Bloggin has been down for a couple days. Or at least, I couldn't post to it-some kind of Blogger thing.

The bummer of course is that the thing I was all into posting a couple days ago? Well, it's too late now.

Now I need a soda for my tummy (too many different kinds of beer last night-but not too much beer), and certainly a nap would be more than welcome.
Oh yes. A nap.

I've heard GnR's Double-Talkin' Jive in my head upon awakening for the past 3 days in a row. I think I have to dig out the song.

Suddenly, after a year of not really doing much but watching, I volunteered for 3 things at the OBC. You'd think I had no life.

A. Said it better

I remember watching The Fumes play at Ichabod's in Spokane. Ichabod's was a poorly lit place with a strange layout; cheap wrought iron fences seperating the dancing and stage area from the tables and drinkers. This must have been 10 years ago, easy.

The Fumes were doing their punk rock thing, and I stood there with Mr Forehead and watched Gus move at supersonic speeds between the snare and high-hat, the bass drum being kicked like a LAPD victim, and it took a second, but I realized that both Mr F and I were mesermized by the drumming. Forehead turns to me and said: "You know Gus is actually an alien?"
"Yeah. How else do you explain that?"

I haven't seen Gus in years. But he was always nice to me, (in the 'Kan it's pretty easy to meet musical heroes) and I'm just sorry that someone nice is gone.

Guitar Hero

I might have to get this.
There's just too much good stuff said about it, and quite honestly, I like to rock out.

Oh yes. I like to rock out.

Joe and Monkey

I've decided I like it.

Some readers

Might enjoy the latest rant on my site. I'm thinking mostly here of The Capt, and Fuz, who will probably see me in fine, high style. The Stewardess might be amused by this, but it's hard to tell. Everyone else can do what they will.

But it's basically me saying fuck you a whole lot.

I love bears

Because when they do things like go into 24hr quicky marts, and dumbasses try to take photos...dumbasses get what they deserve.

And the bear...just continues being a bear.

What I learned w/the amigo this weekend

Faux-hawks are the new mullets.

"I have an unreasoning hatred of parades."
"I don't think it's that unreasonable."

"You know what we should do? Make a candy called 'Choco-Starfish'."
"Aw, man..."

I have improved, microscopically, at Halo.

We like beer.

Our one time bar has fallen from grace, sadly. Time to move to the next place, or get hard drinks every time.
'Cause the cheesesticks still rock.

I was thinking about giving away my GC

But now I don't know that I can.

I have very few holdovers from my childhood. In part becauyse so many of them have been shat upon in one way or another.

It's not inherently a bad thing; it's a sign from the universe that I should move on from childhood things and find something new (read: pornography and heavy metal. {I'm all grown'd up now!!!!11!!!}).

However, when something comes along that does the things I loved as a young one right, I find it hard to resist or ignore those things.

Maybe it's not worth fighting-if it's good, then why not just enjoy it? It's not like there isn't more than enough suck out there.

Horoscope

I don't often dig on the Horoscope, but this one is from the Onion:
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will once again resort to drinking your problems away, abusing tap water in an attempt to forget your dehydration issues.

Fuck it. Sounds like a plan.

Thanks Fuz

Before you clicky the linky!
Know that the site you're going to is an anti-gay marriage site.

Let me just say that they have failed to convince me how great marriage is.

What I'm Not Good At

I have a date tonight. I'm doing my best to think good thoughts about this, to see the positive, the potential. Yesterday, when I hooked up the rendezvous, I was rather impressive. I find it unlikely that this will carry over. Change of environment = change of behaviors. Yesterday the environment was in my favor. Today, probably not so much.

This is suckitude.

UPDATE: Date has been postponed. I am secretly relieved.

Sure it's bogus. So what?

I mean really. What Xtreme kid today can resist the military if they're making urban combat skateboards?

I'm an uncle. Again.

Just got word that my sister has had her baby, a boy, 8lbs and some odd oz. and about 21 inches. Or something like that.
Point is; everyone is fine.
Good stuff, eh?

Blogging Is Hardish

Sometimes I feel guilty about having a blog. If I feel like writing I often don't have anything particularly interesting to write. If I have something interesting to write about I usually don't have any desire to write. I literally had this realization just a few seconds ago and it helps me feel better about myself as a blogger to have that explanation.

It is true that I could sit down and make myself write when I don't feel like it, but this isn't school or a job so the only consequences are that I don't post. Nobody is going to be overly concerned that I'm not working towards my blogging potential.

By nature I've never been one that felt the need to speak. I generally only speak if I feel I have something worthy to contribute. It helps to have a conversation worth contributing to.

I remember sitting around the lunch table during my Junior year of high school with my peers. People chatted away and I very rarely had anything to say. The conversation was asinine and not worthy of commentary, but as an adolescent there was that sense of being left out, of being socially inferior, of being alone. My Senior year I finally found people that I connected with, and then in a flash it was over.

In conclusion I find that having a blog gives me a forum when I want it. It's a place for me to connect with a couple old friends that I rarely get to see. It's also allowed me to meet a couple new people, and it's introduced me to a few people that I feel like I've met. So, it's been worthwhile, even if I don't always feel that the content justifies it.

yesterday

Did a lot of things yesterday. Thanks to everyone who helped or contributed or whatever whatever whatever.
From my journal-the physical one:

"Maybe this is what birthday's should be for. A positive reckoning of good stuff. I don't want to feel this happy all the time. Life is life, not joy induced by some bizzare pleasure seeker."

Nah, I don't know exactly what it all means either, but I had a good day.

Huh?

I can't prove it, of course. But I may have just been asked out.
No. No, sorry. I'm all wrong. It's just a coworker wondering if I'd attend a concert w/her.
Whew. Women are very confusing.

Smart peeps

I am curious as to your thoughts.

First: we have this story about a judge ordering Google to turn over records of what people have searched for. The good news: the gov't has substancially 'narrowed' their request parameters. The bad news: it still might friggin' happen.

I view this as an invasion of privacy. The internet is, amongst other things, a giant libarary, and nobody should be able to find out what I'm reading or researching unless I want to tell them. This whole movement by the Chimperor's people is being done 'for the children' of course; the gov't insists they want to hunt down child pornographers-which I'm all for. However, I don't want them using drift nets to do it.

I go into the Fark thread because it's good to get different perspectives. There's the usual: 'If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear' bullshit that is always spouted by white boys who have never had the system turn on them, and then there was a comment about how Google was stupid for keeping records in the first place.

I don't necessarily agree with this; I could see how this information might be used in a business sense, a way for Google to basically pay the bills, but I can't get that clear in my head. Perhaps the audience will have thoughts? Nonetheless, since the internet isn't run by the public, like libraries are (if you take my meaning), some data is going to have to be collected soas to turn a profit.

Slightly downthread, however, was a posting for Clusty, a search engine that has a privacy statement. Which I think is pretty cool. (Whether or not they actually follow that statement is another matter, but for the time being, let's assume they do.) The question is; can it really equal Google's searching power? Because that's really what it's about; finding what you want in a short period of time.

I must ask though, does it even matter? Doesn't Google have such a meme-presence now that people will just use Google even if they shouldn't because that's what they've always used? It certainly feels like that.

Then again, I'm a Mac user, so there's obviously room in any given market for some kind of competition. In addition, it doesn't seem like Google is taking this lawsuit lying down; I honestly believe it will go to the Supreme Court. However, given the Supreme Court's makeup these days, I have little faith that a right to privacy would be protected there. Even former SCJ's feel the things have shifted in a bad way.

Thoughts?

Humility

One thing I did w/my money was give to Habitat for Humanity as recommended from the Bunch blog.

I don't say this publically for kudos. I say this publically because while I often think of and give to homeless organizations here in Portland, I 'forgot' about the effects of hurricane Katrina, and how they are still trying to overcome from a massive blow to them, in every sense of the word.

And I'm a bit ashamed at that. I understand that I'm not responsible for remembering every good cause, or even contributing to them, but I didn't even consider giving to something that wasn't local.
And Katrina hit what, 8 months ago? Maybe less, maybe a little more?

Jesus. I often think that I'm smarter than the average bear, and I remember history and keep in mind that people often take a long, long time to recover from bad things that happen to them. That recovery from damage only comes when help is given-freely and with a clear heart. So to be so oblivious is a sharp repremand to my...uh righteousness.

So I guess what I am doing is apologizing.
From the 13th Warrior
"For all we ought to have thought, and have not thought; all we ought to have said, and have not said; all we ought to have done, and have not done; I pray thee God for forgiveness."

In the future, I'll try to be more attentive. Maybe not to the entire world, but at least congnizant of more of it.

$624

This is the amount of my tax return.

I’m in the enviable position, this year, of not needing this money. A small portion will be donated (via my usual outlets) to charities that serve the homeless. Everything else is really taken care of: retirement accts: check. Bills paid: check. Figure I’ve got about $550 left over.
So it’s time to treat myself! I’m going to get…

Well, shit. The best I can come up with at this point is a PS2 version of Resident Evil 4. So I can play the alternate story.

That’s kinda lame. I’m just really, really bad at buying gifts for myself. I’ve got a birthday coming up and everything, so I can pretty much justify buying whatever crazy shit I want. I just don’t seem to want that much. (Not that theThunder 1M isn’t cool, I just don’t need it.)

So I turn to the blog. Suggestions, anyone? I’m cashing Unkle Sam’s check today.

Cultural Conspiracy

Anyone remember a few years back, when we had the summer of 'Astroid hits Earth' movies, but in the months just prior to that, we had all kinds of stupid media stories about how some kind of celestial object was/could/may have/what's your definition of 'is' hit the Earth?
Or the summer or so after that, when there were all kinds of reports about Mars, strangely enough before a year of movies involving either Mars and/or alien invasion?
I always felt there had to be some kind of conspiracy out there, pushing such crap upon the populace, in a valiant attempt to get the public to pay attention to shit that was...well, shit, for far longer than they would ordinarily, and perhaps suck an extra half-million from Joe/Jane Moron. I based this on no real science, just observation and years of cynicism. Hell, look out into bloggerland and see the vast amounts of focus we as a people (not us obviously, because we're too damn smart here) put into the latest nimrod concept.
So, Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the next thing to assault our senses; it is advised that if you have weak stomachs, or just don't want to spend the rest of the week wishing the Black Death to return, or perhaps you wear, like myself, the tinfoil lined hat, that you not continue on from here.
In the news: Snakes. On a plane.
Somebody should make a movie!

Insignifigance

Hmmm.
I don't know that I should post.
But I feel like writing. That I don't have anywhere to write-this is its dilemna.
But there's something in my noggin, inspired by the usual substances, that wants to have it's run of the universe.
Or play RE 4, which I can't do.
But I don't want to post at the http://a.bunchof.us/ block, 'cause then everyone knows I'm a user.

smells like 1988

The Cult, yes… that The Cult, are were on Craig Ferguson tonight.

Weird.

Daredevil

I just very quickly want to give a 'Hell yeah' to the latest issue of Daredevil. The last creative team ended the series in a place that would be difficult for many-the continuity clock was not reset, our hero was not put back into his life as though nothing had happened, with liberty and justice for all.

Like it or not, the last run of Daredevil focused more on the lawyer than the hero. As a result, the series had a more humanistic bent; less fighting, more character dynamics. And, as a consequence of this, the end of the series did not come with a huge fight scene (although there was one hell of a knockdown) but in the courtroom-and with Matt Murdock being sentenced to prison.

The new creative team (writer Ed Brubaker and artist Michael Lark) start there, and they hit the ground running. My complaint at this point is that there seems to be 'overcorruption'; it seems that not only the guards, but the administrators-hell, everyone except Murdock is somehow tainted. It will be interesting to see how this plays out, though; I have great faith in Brubaker as a writer (he's always been good-Sleeper is one of the best reads you could ask for in the superhero/superspy genre. Yes, I know) and Lark is handling the art chores quite fluidly.

So I'm sticking with it.

A.Ho's Music Highlights (Episode 1)

Link

On Kindness

Aaron's last post make me wonder-how does one be kind?

This is going to be a little convoluted, so I'll do the best I can.

I was very, very angry as a young lad. The universe was unfair, and I was desperate with rage at this fact. This condition was made worse by the fact that people who should've been tipping the scales to balance, were not doing so. I decided to become an asshole, mostly because that way I'd be harder to damage.

Somewhere along the line, in high school, or more likely early college, I just got tired of being pissed off all the time. I decided to try and still be me-honest, good friend, resolute-without alienating everyone who came around me. Being angry seemed futile, and accomplished little. The universe-and the morons in it-weren't going to change. I had to change.

But, since I'd been fucked with and raised by people who loved me, and was around people who cared for me, my change was to be more compassionate towards everyone else, or at least to try and be more compassionate towards others. It's not easy, but it seemed better than being angry. Mostly, it is better than being angry.

Except. Except now I'm depressed. What did I do with the fire inside? I shut it off. It did not serve a purpose, I felt, so I clamped the bellows and let the forge go cool. And now I don't exactly know what to do.

Anyone who's been around me when I've gone on a rant-especially when buzzed-has seen that my anger at the universe for not being right-or fair-is not dead. Oh no. But I don't know what to do with it now. And when I don't know what to do with it, the anger cools, and sinks to the bottom of my consciousness, and eventually weighs me down.

It's been said I should be a teacher, or perhaps a therpist. Those professions do seem interesting, I'll confess. Something where I'm involved in helping people (to learn, to get better), or able to unleash some righteous vengeance (anything involving the destruction of self-important neocons) feels like a better thing than just punching keys all day. But I don't do those things. I don't know how, and I'm...more than a little concerned that I'm not good at them, even when I do know what I'm doing.

Kindness, I think, is a default for me, but anger is also a default setting for me. My OS is all fucked up. But when I see A. talk about needing to be more kind, I wonder if I'm really missing something here, because this is a man who has reminded me, on more than one occasion, to be open to the struggles of others. Others whom I do not want to be open to. I am not trying to minimize his goals to be a better man, nor say: Ah, you're fine, don't do that. I just wonder what I'm missing when someone who I feel is kind, does not feel he's done enough. Makes me think that I've got a long, long way to go.

The flip side of this is; I need to do something with my anger. I don't want to be fucking depressed. I don't need the weight of anger gone wrong. I need to honor it, use it appropriately, so I can move on. Not every situation can be handled by mere mortals with simple kindness. I just don't know how to work that out, yet.

May I buy you a Coke? May I teach you to sing?

I needed something to post about and Kerry's post on resolutions has sparked the topic.

I started a resolution in Nov/Dec as a warm up for the coming New Year. I couldn't remember the last time I'd made a resolution or any time that I actually thought about it beyond January 2^nd, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. My resolution at that time was to turn off the PC and TV by 11pm. This would allow me to wind down and go to sleep. I knew that without cathode ray stimulation I would actually feel tired and go to bed, otherwise I was liable to stay up until 1, 2, or 3AM. Being that I regularly need to be out of bed for work anytime between 4 & 6 AM this was not beneficial. That lasted for a couple weeks, not even into the New Year, and even now it is midnight. I haven't given up, I just need to recommit.

The other resolution I came up with right around Christmas time was that I needed to read more. Specifically, well mostly, fiction. I know that there are stories that I should read. The goal started as one book every pay period (2 weeks). Not wanting to set myself up for failure I modified it to one book per month, then I modified it to 6 books for the year. That is roughly 3x as many books as I finished reading in 2005.

But these resolutions are really just pet resolutions, habits I should develop. The resolution that means the most is to be more kind. Quite simply, I'm a mean son of a bitch.

(Insert smiley face.)

It boils down to this: I want to develop a greater kindness and patience in those moments when kindness wants to bail, when it begs to step aside to make way for rudeness and anger. Kindness is one thing I know I can do that makes a real change in the world. The effects are not measurable but they are important to me.

Stupid Bowl

First off I'll link to The Goat's post regarding this abhorrent travesty. He's provided plenty of interesting links.

I think this game should've been much different, and that's not to say that the Seahawks would've won, but that terrible calls certainly changed the course of it. The Seahawks didn't do so well in the second half, and it would've been great to see them overcome the lemons thrust upon them, but the momentum and morale of the second half was marred by the calls in the first. I feel they were robbed of the opportunity to show what they could do, even if they lost, it could've been a tighter more nail biting experience.

I'm not a really big sports guy and I've never been a real fan of any particular NFL team, but after this game my allegiance lies squarely with the Seattle Seahawks. Through good times and bad they are now MY team.

Sigh

Seattle played such a fucking good first half, despite some questionable reffing, I really thought this was going to be one of the best Superbowls ever. Not just because a team I like could win, but because they really seemed to be solidly matched.

And the 2nd half, everything that could go against Seattle did-including some of the most questionable officiating I've seeen in awhile.

Congrats to the Steelers, who I root for under almost every other circumstances, and who certainly fought hard to get there.

But man...I so expected a different result.

This.That

I've been drinking more beer than usual the last couple of weeks. Lately two beers accompany dinner followed by a third to kick it all down with. I don't consider that excessively excessive, but it's more than normal for me. Maybe it's a midwinter coping mechanism. Sierra Nevada and Mirror Pond pales are what I've been favoring.


I picked up a couple new albums Friday before last. Best Buy had a nice sale on some indie titles so I picked up Danger Doom's The Mouse and The Mask and Antony and the Johnsons' I am a bird Now. I like the Danger Doom quite a bit, which follows suit with my recent rekindled fondness for Vaudeville Villain, but the other isn't quite doing it for me yet. I imagine I am a bird Now will be a treasure that future A.Ho discovers.

A group that perked my ears the other day is The National. I've listened to Alligator a couple of times and thought it was nice enough, but my fancy remained unstruck. Then I was in Boo Radley's the other day when they were playing it and it grabbed me. The same thing happened with Wolf Parade, the current king of my Top Artists chart on last.fm. It will be interesting to see if the phenomenon sticks with The National.

Music that I currently really want to get my hands on: Jamie Lidell Multiply


I finished up season two of Buffy this week. I was not expecting much out of this. The first season created enough interest in me to eventually grab the second. The second season started slow, building up to a nice pace, and then POW! That finale was something else! It certainly ranks in my finest hours of television entertainment.


I spent some time playing around with Splinter Cell this week. It's one of my all-time favorite video games. I should give #2 a shot again, but they changed some stuff in the gameplay that I didn't really dig, all because some people thought the first one was too hard. That's one of the things I really dug about it. It was a giant puzzle begging to be solved, with few opportunities to gun your way through. Love it.

And now I'm back to playing Oddworld - Stranger's Wrath. I saw that Play magazine gave it the XBox Game of the Year and this inspired me to jump back into that fun little 'verse. It is quite a ride. I think maybe I'll go play it right now.

Loop? What Loop?

Tonight I plan to watch a movie that's nearly 20 years old that, apparently, the entire population of Earth has seen but me.

So…Coming Soon, to a Viewing Screen near me (it's in my living room) -- Spaceballs.

Pretty Good Idea

Yikes!

I'll say it again, "Yikes!"

oh fuck

I just got home from work and had the television on when across the bottom of the screen flashed 'Seahawks in Detroit Car Crash'. Good Lord. I sure hope it was minor. We'll know soon enough I suppose.

update: Word is that it was minor.
update: Oh, here's a link. I thought it would've been bigger news on the Yahoo!Sports site, but it was buried a bit down the page. That's a big 'Whew!'

Nice

The redesign looks good man. Also: that's a good pic for you in the profile.

Op-Ed

It's rare to see such concise clarity in a letter to the editor; a refreshing find.

update: A link to the letter that the above letter references.

Stupid

LInky takes you to the Spider Man cover that apparently unveils his new costume-which is apparently built by Tony Stark (aka Iron Man).

What's wrong with it?
1) It's full of technocrap. Whomever came up with the idea of giving Spidey extra mechanical arms is a fucking moron, and should have his mouth duct taped. The person who approved the idea should be subject to genital duct tape. Why? Because these gadgets are so far removed from what the character is about.

2) It's red and gold. Gold is not a Spidey color-they've just disassociated the hero from part of what makes him an icon, and associated him with a different icon. Bad. Plus, the color scheme blows, if only because it's so very, very ordinary.

3) It's stupidly uninspired. This could've been so cool: supergenius hero makes a new costume for Spiderman. It could have nanotech to repair rips in the cloth, or be like some of the new body armor the military is using: very light, but superdense, and thus bulletproof. There could even be things done to the hood, an HUD, or maybe a special seal to bind it to the suit, so the mask didn't just come off. It could have fabric that interefered with electronic surveliance devices (suppressing body heat, using the anti-radar tech from the Air Force, crazy shit like that).

I don't know: I'm just throwing ideas up there; my point is it could've been subtlely cool, and instead we get this abomination that the next writer will have to explain away in his/her reboot of the series, because everyone will look at it and go: What the fuck? This isn't Spiderman. He's supposed to change, but like this?

No. Marvel: you fucked up.

I'm a follower

Now I just need a pic.

Albums I'm Glad I Listened To Recently

Viktor Vaughn | Vaudeville Villain • I've always liked this album and when I recently listened to it a new level of appreciation arrived at my ears.

Joanna Newsom | The Milk-Eyed Mender • An album that sounds different everytime I hear it. This album whirls about my living space begging to be adored.

Wilco | Yankee Hotel Foxtrot • This album continues to reveal itself after I thought I had it.

The New Pornographers | Twin Cinema • I love the drums.

I'm having one of those very good days where I should be surrounded by lucious women and lackeys to do my whims...but there are none.
But that doesn't mean the universe shouldn't cater to my whims! It just means I've had enough alcohol that I know I need to stay home.
Goddamnit.

Happy Birthday!!

To Me!


update Thanks Dan!

it's a long way to the top

By the time this is read, it will be A.Ho's birthday.
Happy birthday. Even in my buzzed and desperately horny state, I'm remembering it now, so that tomorrow, when I'm stupid and hungover, I don't have to make excuses.

Unjustify My Love

Well it's fixed, but I'm not sure why the problem was a problem exactly. The offending code was contained in the post re: the nine.thirty.eight blog. All I did was remove the "div" tags. Hmm.

I could've had a V8

But no, instead I listened to The Killers. You see, SPIN has given them Band of the Year status. Thinking to myself that this was absolutely retarded I read the article to see if there was any justification of this. Well the article basically went on to say how 'massive' The Killers have become, that you don't just break into the hip-hop dominated charts with anything less than phenomenal songcrafting chops. So, I ventured another listen of Hot Fuss, perhaps I missed it before. Remember I was a bit slow too latch onto the Arcade Fire. The difference is that I liked Arcade Fire even if I didn't think they were all the shit everyone was saying they were, and The Killers just don't make my cut. It occured to me that I could be listening to Interpol. So I did. My ears feel much better.

Sidebar Aside

The sidebar is working fine on the comment pages…hmm? I didn't mess with the template previous to this curious affect but I spent a bit of time browsing it to see if, somehow, something was blatantly conflicting. I didn't find anything so further dissection may be in order. I'm going to let it be for now - priorities.

& an aside - You know those rare occasions when the phone rings at extremely inappropriate hours and you have to answer it because it's probably urgent, that happened to me last night.

It was the best phone conversation I've had in many cycles of our planet around the sun. The time of day was nearly integral to that enjoyment. The spontaneity and disregard for my slumber cohered pleasantly, providing multiple smiles throughout the course of my workday. Thanks.

Addendum: Oddly enough the sidebar issue grants further joyous amusement, being crooked and all.

---

Unlucky in Luck

In an unbelievable anomoly of the laws of probability I, once again, have a losing Lotto ticket.

I have a unique system that I just know is going to bring me results, it's all about patience. My retirement plan is infallible.

What the hell is up with my sidebar?

someone elses favorite songs of 2005

I found nine.thirty.eight via my last.fm recommendations. I dig. Her write-ups are simple but engaging and make me want to hear all the stuff I haven't gotten around to yet. I'm going to make a playlist of all those songs that I have and listen to them with her thoughts in mind. There's also some stuff on there I hadn't considered, or heard of, that I'll be looking into.

Pink

Scroll down to see the KISS costume.

These boys make the good beer.

I first had an Elysian beer last summer, at the Down River Grill, when Dan was in town. That evening we were treated to their porter. Tonight I tried their Wise Pale Ale. Tasty.

Gamecubing

Dan will be glad to know that I've resumed my adventures in Resident Evil 4. I'm currently fighting 'it'.

And those Regenerator's need some DNA restructuring.

The Iron Maiden, in particular, was my Everest.

For some reason I like to make things hard on myself. I will often save items for use later in the game, they may become essential, only to still have them in my inventory when I finish the game, e.g. Splinter Cell. In this game I like to stick w/ guns I have until they are no longer upgradeable, and even then I'll stuck with them longer than most probably would. I wasn't going to buy a Tactical Vest, 30% less damage, but have given in.

I may not be as tough as you think I am.

I have to use my camera for something.

Here's a photo of my newest CDs.

I didn't recieve ANY music for Christmas this year. My heart was shocked. And awed.

So, I had to buy myself a little something to bring this lack of expected new music in line with reality. I chose to go with the Blossom Dearie self-titled album that I posted about last week, Johnny Cash's At Fulsom Prison, Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures, and, for something contemporary, Deerhoof's The Runners Four.

I was chosen for a 3-month trial membership of Amazon's 'Prime' service. This lovely service gives you free two day shipping on any order. The annual membership is, I believe, $79. If you shop Amazon frequently it certainly seems worth it.

Anyhow, the Blossom Dearie is quite nice and sure to get regular listens. The Johnny Cash is just plain essential. I thought about buying the 'Legend' boxed set, but decided that the essential was a higher priority. Would you believe that I've never, to my knowledge, even listened to Joy Division? I've given Unknown Pleasures one casual listen and I certainly see how it was such an influential album, but more listens are needed to see if I can find the essentialness of this one. I haven't listened to the Deerhoof yet. All I've ever heard of them is a download I have from Apple O' and I'm not quite sure what to think about it. I like having something to listen to that I have no expectations of how it will sound. Though I do have the expectation that it will be quite good, based on all the year-end acclaims.

I'm currently listening to June of 44's Four Great Points. Good stuff.

Steve Jackson interview.

Ever play Car Wars? That was a Steve Jackson Game (SJG). Looks like old Steve is venturing into MMORPGs. Found this interview via Evil Avatar. Here's an excerpt:

GG: Who would be your target market for a SJG MMORPG?

SJ: Adults with a sense of humor and a desire to interact on a level other than "Pwned!"

And I keep hearing about this Puzzle Pirates (mentioned in interview). Perhaps I should delve.

Short & we're done

I'm not going to be taking a break from the blog-but where I ususally like to talk about what's going on in my universe, events of late have been less than good. They are the kind of events that I, at least, feel a bit crass refering to except in a most general sense.

This is especially true since while events have been disappointing, and saddening, I bear no malice. Nobody is angry with anyone; the goodness of everyone was present, even when things went badly. I have no desire to present a bad impression of anyone here-or in my other internet writings. Even in my personal writings. Hopefully, that intent speaks well enough to how I feel about the person and how things went south.

In the meantime, I've promised myself more personal writing time, and I've a Legacy tournament to prepare for. Plus, I make a noodle casserole thingy tonight. It's apparently mac & cheese, but you don't bake gooddamn mac & cheese, I don't care what they say.

New Live Pixies

Looks like I'm going to have to go revive my eMusic subscription in the near future. For a limited time.

And a trip to PDX or SeaWA, near the end of February, could materialize. Or not.

I did revel.

Well here it is, 2006. I spent the evening over at my brothers house with a few of the guys. A few beers, a couple shots of the hard stuff, and I was legitimately more drunk than I've been in quite some time. It was a mellow good time.

I'd like to thank Kris and Katie for the invite to their party. I really, really appreciate it. If I weren't transportation challenged I probably could have gotten the day off work and been able to drive over. And I certainly would have. Thanks again.

I hope y'all had a fabulous and safe evening and I hope that I get the chance to see you all sometime this year.

A.Ho

hrmm.

A19 year-old female on Friendster sent me a message. She wants to talk to me. Her name is Ricardo.

I hope she's crazy hot.

Now At Last

There's a song that Feist sings called 'Now At Last'. It's an amazingly beautiful jazz standard.

So I added this Blossom Dearie CD to my Amazon wish list. She performs 'Now At Last' as well as 'Tout Doucemente' (both on Feist's Let It Die) Should be a treat.

Now I've done it.

I started a myspace account.

Myspace has been popping up alot lately in my daily conversations and readings. People at work are on it, customers are on it, and there have been multiple articles in the papers. This place is hopping. I was genuinely a little startled to find numerous, and then some, people that I know active there.

I didn't really hear about myspace until this summer when I was down in Portland and out with Kris. I didn't look into it as I already had mostly unused Friendster and Livejournal accounts. I don't know that I'll do much with it, but I think it will get more use than those others.

Word to your Momma.

Twilight Zone

I agree with Kris, seems Pitchfork has gone black sheep on us, and I think they like to mess with the expectations of their readers. Granted it's likeley that every Pitchfork writer listened to 5 times as many albums as I did this year so I can't reasonably argue against the list they created. Perhaps they're breaking seriously new ground.

Caribou and Broken Social Scene made the tinymixtapes.com Top 25 & here's the Metacritic Top 30 along with Top Ten's from many significant magazines and sites.

5 things

Here are 5 things I'm glad to see existed in 2005

The FSM. I could explain why, but if you're reading this blog, and don't understand why, then you should stop reading this blog.

The Stewardess. While she was here, she left a good mark. Like a dog you hope comes back to visit. I won't say I always understood what the fuck was going on, but she served as a fine balance to the boys of the site. I am always glad to see her doing what she's doing (which, lately, apparently involves taking photos and posting song lyrics, but it's good anyway).

The game of the year: Resident Evil 4. I played some goddamn awesome games this year. RE4, with the corresponding commentary that occurred on this blog, was the most engaging game I played. I think A.Ho still has not finished this game, to which I say: get fucking to it man! It's been a year and the game was AWESOME. Plus, that game got me through the ice storm of this year, as I played it for 14 hours one day, and it allowed me to filter out the sound of one of my roommates fucking.

Health Insurance. Yes, I am displeased with my job. Yes, I don't know what I'm going to do, just that I need to do different things, and mid-life crisis and Bush is ending the fucking world and on and on and on.
But after breaking my leg and stabbing myself in the span of 11 days, plus getting a cold that may or may not be morphing into something awful, and having to pay about $700 bucks for all that, as opposed to over $1400, I am grateful that I have a job that provides me with something that is so damned helpful to live. 'Cause bad things happen sometimes, and you shouldn't be impoverished for wanting to be healthy.

The internet. You don't need a link; you're on it.
I was able to keep and maintain friendships, or develop new relationships, because of the 'net. I'll admit, it does make me a little lazy, and I'm frickin' tired of people forwarding their crazy spam-disguised-as-joke/story/anecdote/warning of the week. Nonetheless, I'm glad for this, because fostering the relationships is what makes life meaningful-and bearable, honestly.